Chris Howlett

Busting More Happiness Myths

There is soooo much misinformation out there about happiness. I could probably write a dozen busting happiness myths posts. Happiness is misunderstood, both what it is and how to get there.

In an earlier post I wrote about five happiness myths. You can check it out here to catch up.  In this post, I share two more happiness myths.

Every single person wants to be happy. Living a meaningful, flourishing life motivates all your actions. Sadly, it seems that so many miss the mark and live far less than happy, sometimes even miserable lives. I’ve always been puzzled by this. If we’re all driven to happiness, why do so many engage in activities and attitudes that sabatoge their psychological well-being? Well, that’s a big question with lots of different ways to try to answer it. Happiness myths contribute to the problem. These are widely-held, but false, beliefs concerning what causes happiness.

If you want to be happy, (if you’re breathing, you do!) then you’ll want to understand and avoid the following Happiness Myths:

Myth 6: “I’ll be happy when…”

I refer to this as the “If/Then Fallacy.” The If/Then Fallacy teaches that if some set of outward circumstance changes, then you’ll be happy. The emphasis is on the outward circumstances. A lot of things fit into this fallacy. Other myths tie in also, such as “If I make x number of dollars, then I’ll be happy.” Poverty is definitely a drag on happiness, but earning a higher income or getting more stuff won’t help with happiness if you’re not impoverished. There’s plenty of evidence that a brief uptick in positive emotions does occur when you acquire a new physical belonging, but it’s temporary. Then, what if you paid for this new widget with a credit card simply to get that quick boost in mood? When the bill comes due, your psychological well-being can take a hit because of debt and the challenges that come with it.

Other expressions of the If/Then Fallacy go like this: If I get married, then I’ll be happy. If we have kids, then we’ll be happy. If I get that promotion, then I’ll be happy. If I had a bigger house… on and on and on, the cycle never ends and happiness remains ever illusive.

Happiness has more to do with your mindset and thought patterns than outward circumstance, no matter how good of bad those circumstances. Environmental conditions contribute to happiness, but your inner thought-life and attitude makes the biggest difference and can override even disastrously negative circumstances to contribute to long-term psychological well-being.

Myth 7: Someone owes you happiness. 

I want to preface this with a word about the importance of our responsibility to our fellow human beings. No person is an island. We’re individuals, but we’re connected. The pandemic is teaching us the hard way. We share so much of our lives, including the air we breath! We’re connected. What I do or do not do affects more than me. The attitudes I choose to adopt, the outlook I choose to communicate, the kind of work I do, all my choices affect others. We’re not alone. We depend on each other, and obviously others depend on us. So, we owe it to each another to be the best kind of people we can be.

Having said that, however, believing someone else is responsible for happiness in your life is a losing proposition. Healthy, positive relationships are vital for psychological well-being, but happiness is more than a give and take and you’re ultimately responsible for your personal happiness. 

Think about God. He created you to be happy. Jesus said he came to offer you abundant life (John 10:10). But you have to receive it. You have to apply Jesus’ teachings to your life. God loves you more than anyone and desires your happiness, but he’s not going to make you happy. Happiness is up to you. So, if God, who can do anything, isn’t responsible for your happiness, then neither is your significant other,  or your boss, or co-worker, or neighbor, or friend, or child. Please, don’t try to set your children up to be responsible for your happiness. 

No one owes you happiness. They do owe you to treat you with dignity. They owe you to live within healthy boundaries. They ought to treat you with respect. But, they don’t owe you happiness. Here’s a little secret: They can’t give you happiness, anyway, even if they wanted to make you happy. Frankly, that’s where boundaries get crossed and happiness proves even more elusive. When we blur boundaries between where you begin and another person ends and just who is responsible for what in a relationship, happiness flees.

The flip side of this, of course, is you’re not responsible for someone else’s happiness. You love those persons who are closest in your life, you want them to be happy, you want to do what you can do to contribute to their happiness, but you can’t make them happy. Only they can make them happy. Period.

Happiness, or the flourishing life, or psychological well-being is worth pursuing. When you’re happy you’ll contribute more to a happy world. God created you to be happy and he’s given you free will and the inspiration to make healthy, happy choices to experience the life you’ve always wanted to live, a happy, fulfilling, contributing life.

My next post will be “Myths: God Version.” What are some of the myths about God and his plan for happiness (or the opposite) that keep people from experiencing the flourishing life? Stay tuned for more.

A Recipe for Happiness? P.E.R.M.A.

Martin Seligman is a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania. He’s the Director of the Positive Psychology Center there, the director of the Penn Master of Applied Positive Psychology program, the former president of the American Psychological Association, the author of numerous articles in peer-reviewed journals, and something like nine books. 

Seligman’s a leader in the emerging Positive Psychology sub-discipline in Psychology. He’s developed a framework for understanding psychological well-being, or happiness, specifically five elements that work together to produce and maintain optimal mental, emotional, and spiritual functioning. His system is called PERMA. The elements are: Positive emotion; Engagement; Relationships; Meaning; and Accomplishment.

According to the University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology Center these five PERMA components are positively associated with physical health, job satisfaction, and commitment within organizations. It’s not only the individual who benefits from increasing happiness, but also organizations, and society as a whole. You might want to think about what you can do to enhance your life in each of these areas and how you can encourage others in your circle of influence to do the same.

Positive Emotion.

This is pretty simple. If you want to flourish in life, if you want a happy life, you’re certainly thinking about the role your emotions. Happiness is more than positive emotions, but it includes positive emotions.

Examples of positive emotions are: joy, gratitude, optimism, hope, and compassion. There are many others, but these are some of the big ones. Within certain limits, you can increase positive emotions, about the past: practice gratitude and forgiveness; about the present: savoring pleasure and mindfulness; about the future: by building hope and optimism.

Engagement.

Engagement is an expansion on Mihalyi Csikszentmihlyi’s concept of “flow.” You enter a flow mentality when your talents, strengths, and skills are engaged in challenging activities that keep your attention. The challenge holds attention so well that people who experience flow often report they’ve lost track of time, or that time has flown by during their flow experience. The challenge can’t be so difficult that you constantly fail, but it mustn’t be easy either, because that won’t hold your attention. Engagement, or flow, occurs when your energy and attention is focussed on the activity at hand. When you’re finished with flow, you may even say, “I was in the flow!” 

Flow activities can include athletics, reading, solving problems, working puzzles, engaging conversation, playing video games, even watching television or films (You’ll need to be careful of screen time because too much of a “good” thing can become detrimental). Whatever engages your mind and challenges your skills can contribute to “being in the zone” and experiencing flow. People who regularly use their strengths and engage in flow increase their happiness, or psychological well-being.

Relationships.

Healthy, positive relationships are important if you want to be happy. Humans are fundamentally social creatures. We were made for relationships. A whole range of relationships contribute to emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being, including relationships with spouse, children, friends, co-workers, neighbors, fellow church members, etc. It’s not necessarily a “more is better” equation, as it’s the quality of close relationships that are most impactful. If you want to be healthy and happy, a few close, good, mutually beneficial relationships are key.

Meaning.

Seligman defines meaning as belonging to and serving something bigger than the self. I don’t know if he would make the connection, but it’s similar to Maslow’s model of self-transcendence. To build meaning, you must shift the focus from you and your personal well-being onto the well-being of others. Meaning requires you to contribute to some cause, some purpose higher than simply satisfying your own needs and desires. There’s a bit of an irony here, because as you serve this higher purpose and build higher meaning in life, it does make your life better, a lot better. This is a major blindspot for our society, today, where people remain caught in a negative cycle of self-absorption. Contributing time and energy to religion, science, politics, work, social causes, etc. are among some of the ways you create meaning and enhance your sense of well-being.

Accomplishment. 

Seligman’s final characteristic is accomplishment, achievement, competence, success, mastery for it’s own sake. As you work toward and reach goals, you gain a sense of achievement. Graduating from high school, from college are examples of accomplishment. Even smaller goals that make up big goals are also important and impactful. Pursuing goals and achievement with perseverance pays off in well-being, even simply accomplishment for accomplishment’s sake. Sports, hobbies, games can all offer goals to achieve. 

Intrinsic goals, goals that are internally motivating offer a bigger payoff than extrinsic goals, goals that offer some external reward. Goals like personal growth and connection lead to a larger gain in happiness than money or fame.

In his book, Flourishing, Seligman reminds us of Eric LiddelL, the real-life inspiration for the film, Chariots of Fire. He was an Olympic runner who said, “God made me fast, and when I run, I feel His pleasure.” Liddel was successful. He achieved many of his goals, but the simple act of running well brought him a great sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

That’s PERMA. It’s a rather helpful tool in pursuing a happy, fulfilling, meaningful, flourishing life. Seligman and others have modified the theory> He now talks about PERMA+ where the “plus” stands for Optimism, Physical Activity, Nutrition, and Sleep. Pursuing health in these areas contributes to happiness. I’ll delve into this expanded theory in a future post.

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YouTube Version Here: https://youtu.be/t6oV44sY4-A

 

The Connection Between Happiness and Holiness

Is there a connection between happiness and holiness? Are people of faith happier than those who lack faith? Christians have been thinking about this for many years and the consensus, from the early church, is that happiness and faith, particularly, happiness and holiness, go hand in hand.

What is happiness? In psychology they often speak of psychological well-being. Some of the major components that make up a happy, flourishing life are:

1. Positive emotions.

A happy person experiences more positive than negative emotions.

2. Flourishing. 

A flourishing life is a thriving, growing, engaged, positive life.

3. Optimism.

It’s difficult to be happy when you’re thoughts are dominated by negativity and pessimism. A happy person is optimistic and hopeful, not polyanna-ish, but an optimism grounded in hope that the future can be good and they can contribute to the goodness of that future.

4. Connectedness. 

A happy life is connected to other people. We’re relational beings. Healthy, positive relationships are a key to happiness.

5. Meaning. 

A happy life is a life of meaning, invested in others, making a difference in something bigger than the self.

6.  Contentment.

A happy person possesses a satisfaction with their life so far, knowing their accomplishments are worthwhile. There’s a settled contentment and gratitude. As the happy person grows older, this sense of happiness increases.

There’s plenty more we could say about happiness, but this is a good summary, I think. Now, I want to talk about the connection between happiness and holiness.

Holiness??? Yes, holiness! Stick with me, here, this is important. Perhaps one of the reasons happiness can be so elusive is its ties to holiness. That’s a crazy scary word for man, unfortunately, even for Christians. I’m not sure where we went wrong with this word, but it’s time to reclaim it and renew our desire and hopes for it in our own lives and in the lives of others.

I’m Methodist and this is one of the distinctives of the historic Methodist movement begun in eighteenth century England by a pair of Anglican priests, John and Charles Wesley. Methodists don’t have the holiness market cornered, but it’s been one of the distinctives of the Methodist brand of Christianity that many of us are looking to renew.

Holiness, in short, means loving God with your whole heart, mind, soul, and strength, and loving your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:34-40).

Love God with your whole being. Love your neighbor the way you love yourself. Holiness requires receiving perfect love from God, the love that casts out all fear. God’s love transfroms you to the point that your heart is constantly disposed to the love of God and neighbor. God accomplishes this work in the heart and life of an individual Jesus-follower, by his Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit makes us holy.

John Wesley described holiness: “True religion is right tempers towards God and man. It is, in two words, gratitude and benevolence: gratitude toward our Creator and supreme Benefactor, and benevolence to our fellow-creatures. In other words, it is the loving God with all our heart, and our neighbour as ourselves.” John Wesley, The Unity of the Divine Being, 16.

There is a vertical and horizontal dimension to holiness. A life of thanksgiving for God’s goodness, a life of gratitude, is the vertical dimension. Benevolence toward our fellow human beings proceeds from our thanksgiving to God. We want to do good for others, we want to bless them and love them.

Sadly, since the Reformation in the sixteenth century, our concept of salvation focussed on our eternal destiny and not so much on what we’re supposed to be doing with life before we reach that destiny. Faith devolved into “salvation as fire insurance” rather than salvation as transformation so that we’re actually fit for heaven. When we push potential happiness out to the “afterlife” it gets disconnected from everyday life. We need a robust conception of holiness together with the happiness that it produces today, in the present. God loves you and wants you to experience a holy life of happiness, peace, fulfillment, impact, and meaning.

Holiness and happiness are linked. John Wesley demonstrates the connection: “As the more holy we are upon earth the more happy we must be; (seeing there is an inseparable connexion between holiness and happiness); as the more good we do to others, the more of present reward redounds into our own bosom.” John Wesley, God’s Love to Fallen Man, II.10.

Redounds. That’s an archaic word. It means “to come back upon.” The good we do to others comes back to us because it feels good to do good to others. This is one of the discoveries of modern psychology. We didn’t need psychologists to tells us this, but it’s interesting when we discover intersections between faith and reason, religion and science. When it comes to happiness, we find tons of these connections.

The Scriptures testify to this link between happiness and holiness. One of my favorite “happy holy” texts is Psalm 1:

“Happy are those

who do not follow the advice of the wicked,

or take the path that sinners tread,

or sit in the seat of scoffers;

  but their delight is in the law of the LORD,

and on his law they meditate day and night.

  They are like trees

planted by streams of water,

which yield their fruit in its season,

and their leaves do not wither.

In all that they do, they prosper.” Psalm 1:1-3 (NRSV)

Delight in the instruction of the Lord, the implication is that you are actually following God’s loving leadership. You’ll be like a tree beside the water, flourishing, yielding the fruit of a joy-filled, happy life.

The logic runs that God made you and he knows better than anyone what makes you tick, the actions and attitudes that will enable you to live an flourishing human life, a life of hopefulness and meaning, in short, a happy life.

Holiness, a life dedicated to loving God and neighbor, touches on all the main contributors to happiness that we’re learning in the field of Positive Psychology. Positive Psychology studies optimal human functioning. Researchers look for attitudes, actions, and circumstances that produce a fulfilling, happy life.

Relationships. To experience a happy life, you need positive, healthy relationships. The Christian faith says much about happy, healthy relationships. God loves you, his desire is that you would love him and love others. 

Optimism. Happy people are optimistic. As Christians, we take our cues from God. God is the most optimistic person. He looked at humanity, with all our unhappiness and brokenness, what we call sin, and he sent his Son, Jesus, to offer forgiveness and freedom. That’s how much he loves this messed up world. He’s optimistic that with his help people can change and the world can be a better place. The world is an infinitely better place because of Christ-followers seeking to love God and others. So much that’s improved life for billions of people on this planet originated with Christians looking to please God: science, medicine, education, even capitalism, which has lifted billions out of the drudgery of extreme poverty, were all founded and nurtured by Christians. The world is far better than it would have been had Christ not come.

Meaning. A happy life is a life that contributes to something greater than the self. The Christian faith obviously offers meaning. Christians find meaning in blessing others, in making the world a better place, in sacrificing so others can experience hope. A person pursuing holiness knows they are a part of something much bigger than themselves.

Strengths. Happy people engage their talents and strengths on a regular basis in work and leisure activities. Christians believe that God created each person uniquely. Each individual is endowed by God with talents that God wants us to utilize. When you discover your talents and build them into strengths, you experience a greater sense of purpose and flow in your daily life, increasing your sense of psychological well-being. Learning who God made you to be, then being that person, grows your maturity and happiness.

Happiness and holiness are definitely connected. Don’t be afraid of holiness. It’s not an elusive dream, it’s real. It’s about receiving God’s forgiveness and love, then returning love to God and offering love to others, being transformed by God’s grace. As you grow in faith, you grow in love for God and others. God blesses you with increasing happiness until we experience the ultimate happiness when Jesus returns and fully establishes his Kingdom, his rule, his loving leadership over all creation.

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See the YouTube version of this post here.

Do You Want a Happy OR Meaningful Life?

Do you want a happy life or a meaningful life? Well, this question poses a false dichotomy. You can’t have a happy life without living a meaningful life. Meaning is a vital component of happiness. A life devoid of meaning would be devoid of happiness. So many people, sadly, pursue happiness without knowing how to, or that they even should, pursue meaning.

How do they miss building meaning in their search for happiness? They don’t understand happiness. Happiness, the way it’s generally pursued in our culture, is a mostly self-focussed act. We chase the positive emotions associated with happiness but not the undergirding characteristics and activities that lead to lasting happiness.

For instance, if you adopt an entitlement mentality, the idea you deserve happiness simply by being you, you’ll probably miss the emphasis on building meaning and you’ll miss happiness.

If you lead a self-centered life, a life that’s all about you, where you believe others and human institutions exist primarily to fulfill your needs and wants, if you always put yourself first, then you’ll miss meaning and you’ll mis-pursue happiness.

If you conceptualize yourself primarily as a consumer, looking for happiness in material objects, you’ll miss happiness.

If you think life is about building wealth and fame, you’ll almost guarantee you’ll miss happiness.

So, there are many ways to get off track. The lack of building meaning is one of the primary obstacles to happiness that exists in Western societies today.

So, let’s talk about meaning. What is “meaning” and why is it important for a flourishing life?

Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is a good lens through which to examine meaning. High school Psychology classes cover this. Certainly intro Psychology classes in college encourage students to learn the different levels of Maslow’s Hierarchy. 

Maslow introduced the concept in a paper published in 1943, titled, “A Theory of Human Motivation.” That’s what it is, a theory.

Maslow was thinking through motivations. Persons who don’t have basic needs met will be motivated differently than those who have all their fundamental needs fulfilled. If you don’t secure shelter and food, you’ll not function like someone who has shelter and food. That person can and will focus on other, “higher” needs. 

Through his observations Maslow posited five levels of needs that exist in a hierarchy. You have to meet the lower level needs before your mind can focus on meeting higher needs.

From lowest to highest, these human needs are:

Physiological Needs – food, water, air, etc.

Safety – shelter, job, basic financial security

Social Needs – friendships, romantic attachment, family, various groups

Esteem Needs – need for appreciation and respect

Self-Actualization Needs – achievement of full potential, using talents and capabilities to produce self-fulfillment.

Later, in life, however, Maslow modified his theory and added a sixth, higher, peak level of human need: the need for self-transcendence. This has to do with meaning, the need to connect to something beyond the self and help others find fulfillment in living. Self-transcendence means moving outside of and beyond your self to contribute to the good of others.

Through the years, Maslow’s theory been thoroughly debated in the Psychology community, I would add in Philosophy and Religion, also. When you examine Maslow’s methodology, you begin to see that his is more of a philosophical theory than a scientific one. The point is that this was highly influential in how people generally think about their own needs. The highest need according to the most widely spread and most influential version of Maslow’s Hierarchy is self-actualization. Most people, even psychologists, didn’t get the memo about self-transcendence and meaning. Even the way it’s taught today often leaves off this most important discussion of meaning.

Meaning is a vital aspect of happiness. Martin Seligman, some refer to him as the father of Positive Psychology, has evolved his conceptualization of happiness and meaning. In one of his later books, Flourish, he discusses meaning in detail. As a matter of fact, he includes meaning as one of his five major components of a flourishing or happy life.

Seligman defines meaning as, “belonging to and serving something that you believe is bigger than self” (Flourish). Meaning is an important part of the happiness equation and meaning cannot be pursued through merely self-focused methods and ways of being.

Viktor Frankl, an Austrian Neurologist and Psychiatrist, was born in 1905. Because he was Jewish, he and his family were rounded up and committed to Nazi concentration camps. His wife, father, mother, and brother all died. He survived the war and liberation, having spent a total of three years in four different camps.

While imprisoned, he made keen observations about human nature, both human cruelty and human resilience.  When he was liberated, he returned to Austria where he wrote one of the top most influential books ever written, Man’s Search for Meaning.

The original title of the book in German is translated, Nevertheless, Saying ‘Yes’ to Life. The book was not only about meaning, but about finding hope in meaning.

Frankl observed that those prisoners of the concentration camps who could imagine, could visualize themselves pursuing meaning and purpose following this horrendously dehumanizing experience of living in a Nazi concentration camp were more likely to survive. So, for Frankl, meaning and hope go together. Being able to see past the circumstances of the present, and know that your life was going to matter on the other side, was a vital to survival. Those who gave up hope for meaning gave up their will to live.

Frankl wrote: “There is nothing in the world that would so effectively help one to survive even the worst conditions, as the knowledge that there is a meaning in one's life... quoting Nietzsche ‘He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.’” – Man’s Search for Meaning. 

Why? Why am I here? Why does my life matter? What is the meaning of my existence? These are big questions that need to be answered for us to know lasting happiness and experience flourishing lives.

Do you want a meaningful or happy life? Yes. You need both.

Everyone wants to be happy. Happiness without building meaning is impossible. You only build meaning when you see yourself making a contribution outside your self, when you make an impact on something bigger, something deeper, something that will be a blessing to others.

If you ask me, the greatest meaning in life, is living for our Creator God, the God who said to Abraham, I’m going to bless you and all the peoples of the earth will be blessed through you. That is the very definition of meaning, to be blessed by God so God can bless others in and through your life.

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The Video Version of this Post is Here.

Books mentioned (affiliate links):

Martin Seligman, "Flourish" https://amzn.to/3juhYJV

Viktor Frankl, "Man's Search for Meaning" https://amzn.to/3fDbxmB

Less Screen - More Happy

Every time a new technology comes along, people freak out. They imagine all the potential ways this new technology can hurt them. We’ve been doing this for a long time.

When the printing press was invented and books became widely available for the first time, people feared this invention because they thought it might lead to information overload and the public would suffer with the confusing and harmful abundance of books.

The New York Times attacked Alexander Graham Bell’s telephone in 1877 for its invasion of privacy. Mark Twain was an early adopter of the telephone but he had declined to invest in the new technology, thinking there was no widespread market for it.

When electricity made it into homes, President Benjamin Harrison had White House staff turn the lights on and off because he was scared of being electrocuted.

When radio was invented, oh my goodness! There are electric waves flowing through the air!

This isn’t a fear of, but a massive underestimation of a new technology: “Television won’t be able to hold on to any market it captures after the first six months. People will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night.” – Darryl Zanuck, CEO, 20^th Century Fox, 1946

Not too long ago people warned that cell phones would cause a massive outbreak of brain cancer because of the energy emanating from cell phones in the form of RF, or radio frequency waves. Lots of studies have been conducted, and, as a statement from the American Cancer Society demonstrates, there’s really no link between cell phones and cancer: “In summary, studies of [the effects of cell phone energy on people] published so far have not established a clear link between cell phone use and the development of tumors.” 

Here’s something, however, this is harmful about cell phone use, at least smart phones:

While having tremendous benefits almost too numerous to list, there is a major drawback to smart phones: the more time you spend looking at a screen, the less happy you will be. To state that positively, less screen = more happy.

These little devices can be so addictive! I own an iPhone 12 Pro. I really like it. It’s wonderful. I enjoy the screen, it has great reception, it’s super fast, the camera is amazing. I’m into technology. I also own a 2020 iPad and a new M1 MacBook Pro that’s the boss. I’m no Luddite.

What’s a Luddite? Glad you asked: “Luddite: (derogatory) a person opposed to new technology or ways of working.”

The term goes back to nineteenth century England. A radical group of textile workers took their name from a man named Ned Ludd, who was a weaver. They opposed the introduction of machines that they feared would replace their jobs. A major conflict arose that led to a rebellion that was ultimately suppressed by police and  the military. The term Luddite came to be used as a derogatory designation for a person who opposes the use of technology for whatever reason.

So, I’m not a Luddite. I quite enjoy new technology, even at times, just for new technology’s sake. I’m a true child of modernity.

Having said all of that, however, it’s obvious and measurable that less time on your smartphone, or iPad, or even computer, can contribute to your happiness, or psychological well-being.

Let’s jump into some statistics: A study published by the American Psychological Association in 2018 links increased screen time with lower levels of psychological well-being among adolescents. Those who spend less time in electronic communication were happier. As a teenager spends more time on screens, they decrease their happiness. Another study linked time spent online with less happiness.

Dr. Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University wrote a book titled, iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids are Growing up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy–and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood. She labels this new generation of young people iGen, obviously taken from the iPhone, iPad, etc. This is the Internet Generation.

She and her colleagues discovered that high school seniors spend, on average: 2 1/4 hours per day texting, 2 hours per day on the internet, 1 1/2 hours per day electronic gaming, and about a half hour on video chat. That’s a total of six hours a day, or 42 hours per week, or a full-time job tethered to a screen. Eighth graders, on average, spend 5 hours per day or 35 hours per week on screens. That’s a lot of time.

As young people spend all this time on smartphones, they’re spending less time reading books, less time reading magazines and newspapers, they’re also watching less television, which is probably a good thing, but the problem is they also spend far less time in face-to-face conversation with actual human beings.

Twenge demonstrates that from the 1990s, teens had been tracking upward in the percentage of those who considered themselves “very happy.” However, since 2011, that percentage has sharply declined. Along with this decline, the number of twelfth graders who are satisfied with their lives as a whole and with themselves has  declined even more sharply. During the same period, since 2011, the percentage of teens who feel lonely “a lot of the time” has sharply increased.

Guess what happened in 2011? That’s when we looked up from our own phones are realized just about everyone around us has a phone in his or her hands.

It’s a really destructive formula: More screen time + less in-person social interaction + less physical activity = more loneliness + less happiness + more anxiety + more depression.

Adults aren’t out of the woods. They, too, are spending a disproportionate amount of time on their phones. The typical adult spends around 4 hours per day on screen time. That’s 28 hours per week.

I find it amazing that as technology companies like FaceBook, Twitter, Google, and Apple dream up new ways to keep us glued to our screens, the executives in this industry admit they limit screen time for their own children. They’re busy selling you on how great it is to spend time on your phone or tablet while at they guard their own children from the deleterious effects of screen time.

Here are some tips for limiting screen time so you can spend more time maximizing happiness. We all need to develop structures and habits in your life to limit screen time.

Make a phone garage, a place to put your phone when you want to separate yourself from it so you can focus on other, more productive things, like relationships or reading.

When out with your friends, put your phone on airplane mode. It’s a great way to make sure you’re not getting buzzed with notifications when with your friends. You can still use your phone for taking pictures, etc. but it won’t be a distraction during conversations.

Get a hobby that doesn’t include your phone. The options are limitless. What do you enjoy? What are you good at? How can you tap into your creativity? Doing so might expose you to a greater circle of acquaintances and potential friendships.

Block out time on your schedule for phone-free study or focus or whatever keeps your attention. Take time for activities and adventures that prove more life-giving than simply staring at the latest fashion on Instagram or the silly video on Tik Tok.

There’s a great big world outside your phone. Phones are terrific tools for communication but they’re lousy masters.

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Check out the Video Version Here: Cultivate Happiness YouTube Channel

Busting Happiness Myths

Everyone wants to be happy. If that’s the case, why are so many people unhappy, or at least not as happy as they’d like to be? One of the reasons is because they pursue happiness through the wrong means. They do things they think lead to happiness, joy, and contentement in, but those things fail to do so, or even worse, the activities in which they engage detract from the possibility of them developing lasting happiness.

5 HAPPINESS MYTHS

1. More Money will Make You Happy

This is one of the most prevalent myths of all, that having more money will automatically increase your happiness. Not true, at least not true once you’ve gained enough resources to meet your basic needs of food, clothing, shelter, and transportation. If you can’t afford one or more of those things, then you’ll not likely be happy. However, once those basic needs are secure, more income doesn’t increase your sense of life satisfaction, or happiness. 

Think about all the energy and effort people put into making more and more money. It’s mostly a waste of time. This is not to say you shouldn’t work hard and apply yourself at whatever profession you’ve chosen. Spending time engaging your talents and strengths at work is one way to enhance your happiness as you work toward the intrinsic goals of a job well done, making a difference in the lives of others, making a mark, or leaving a legacy. The extrinsic reward of cash just doesn’t have the power to produce happiness like these other intrinsic rewards. No, more money won’t make you happier.

2. As You Grow Older, Happiness Decreases

This is true to a point, but then it becomes less and less true. It turns out the Golden Years really are Golden Years. Researchers find that, in general, a person’s level of happiness decreases significantly from their twenties to their mid to late forties, but then a turn-around takes place and happiness begins to rise. Subjective well-being continues an upward slope as they grow into older adulthood. Again, this is generally speaking, but it’s based on a large body of research carried out over many years with tons of people. The Golden Years tend to be just that, the happiest years of one’s life. So, as you grow into elderhood, most people increase in happiness. Myth busted.

I’ll share in a later post of how to avoid the mid-life crisis, or at least minimize it. Both men and women tend to go through a mid-life slump, but you don’t have to. There are strategies to expand your happiness no matter what your age and life circumstances.

3. You Have a Happiness Set-Point that Doesn’t Change 

There’s research that suggests you have a set-point for happiness that doesn’t change much over your lifetime. Theorists refer to this as the “hedonic treadmill” or “hedonic adaptation,” which basically means you have a genetic set-point for happiness. Some are happier than others. Events and circumstances change and those changes affect your happiness, for either good or ill. However, over a relatively brief span of time, you return to your set-point that seems to be genetically determined. So much for the nature versus nurture debate. Actually, the debate rages on.

As more and more researchers delve into this, they’ve discovered that genetics is only part of the picture. There is quite a bit you can do to increase your level of happiness and maintain those gains over the long-haul. While you might have a genetic tendency toward a particular level of psychological well-being, you can can manipulate that tendency over time and increase your happiness through optimal mental, emotional, and physical practices. The science of Positive Psychology has made great strides helping people grow their sense of well-being. They’re discovering truths that people of the Christian faith have known for millenia, such as the truth that moving the focus off you and onto making a difference in the lives of others grows one’s sense of joy and contentment.

4. God Doesn’t Care if You’re Happy

To hear some people speak about God and happiness, you might get the impression that God actually opposes your happiness. That, in order to be godly, or holy, or grow spiritually, you must become less happy, more miserable. There are some unhealthy spiritual approaches out there.

God does care if you’re happy. He desires your happiness. Jesus said he came that his followers might have an abundant life, a life of meaning and purpose, in short a happy life. The entire Psalter, that’s the collection of 150 Psalms in the Old Testament, begins with a prescription for blessedness, also translated as happiness. God desires a flourishing, productive, meaningful life for every human being. 

To be sure, we all fall into the trap of destructive decisions, of looking for happiness in all the wrong places. God will forgive us of our sins and set us on the path to true and lasting happiness and contentment. God wants us to be happy and he’s provided the means to be happy. I’m grateful for researchers who’ve turned their attention to optimal human functioning. They’re doing the work of the Lord, whether they realize it or not. God wants us to have healthy relationships, use our talents to make a difference, adopt an optimistic worldview, grow our gratitude, and develop personal virtues. Does God care if you’re happy? Yes, and he’s provided the means. 

5. Pursuing Happiness is Selfish

The pursuit of any good can be selfish. Some pursue what they think will give them happiness and neglect other people in the process. However, a selfishly focussed pursuit of happiness always disappoints.

Pursuing happiness doesn’t need to be selfish. The means to happiness involves turning your attention outward in order to serve your fellow human beings. Relationships are key to happiness and the only way to be develop healthy relationships is to invest in the lives of others. Narcissists tend not to have healthy relationships and find happiness illusive. The best thing you can say to a narcissist is “If you want to be happy, you’re must move the focus off yourself and onto others, your relationships, and finding meaning in service, basically, becoming a better human being.”

Developing happiness entails developing virtues. Not virtue-signaling. Virtue signaling is almost the opposite of virtuous. Cultivating moral character contributes to your happiness and that means you can’t live selfishly. Jesus calls his followers to deny the self, take up one’s cross, and follow him. This is the opposite of selfish and leads to the most deeply satisfying, happy life one can imagine. This happiness isn’t only for after you die, like bliss is something reserved for heaven. Jesus calls us to bring heaven and earth together. That leads to happiness for you and for those in your realm of influence. To pursue happiness rightly is to pursue a life that makes a difference in the lives of others.

These are five happiness myths. There are others. In future posts I’ll address more. In the meantime, thanks for reading and I hope you have a happy, blessed day.

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Check out the video version here.

How to Make Happiness Work for You

In my last post I wrote that happiness is hard work. It is. So, today I’m going to share with you how to work hard to make happiness work for you and in you and even, dare I say, through you!

First, I want to start out with this amazing quote from Dr. Martin Seligman. He carried out tons of groundbreaking work on a newish field of Psychology that studies human flourishing, called Positive Psychology. Seligman wrote

“The belief that we can rely on shortcuts to happiness, joy, rapture, comfort, and ecstasy, rather than be entitled to these feelings by the exercise of personal strengths and virtues, leads to legions of people who in the middle of great wealth are starving spiritually.” 

That’s powerful. Many people believe happiness is just something that’s owed to them, it’s in the Declaration of Indepence after all??!? Isn’t it one of those unalienable rights God gives us? No, but according to Jefferson and others, the “pursuit of happiness” is. You’re free to pursue happiness. You’re not guaranteed happiness. To make happiness work for you, you’re going to have to work for it. It’s not automatic. There are no shortcuts.

Here are three ways to pursue happiness:

1. Simply Your Life

Madison Avenue is paid billons each year to convince you that your life is lacking, your life is missing something, your life can never be complete unless and until you purchase their clients’ products or services. They used to be limited to newspapers, magazines, radio, television, and billboards. Those were the primary conduits of the consumer culture. But now we carry these marketing machines around in our pockets.  We have tablets, we use computers every day for hours on end, and Madison Avenue, and now Silicon Valley ingeniously tracks you in order to sell you. So many distractions, so many messages about what you must have in order to be happy. It’s mind bogglingly complex. When life gets cluttered with things and messages about more things it grows increasingly challenging to just be. Just be happy. Just be content. Just be human, not the consumer robot the world wants to convert you into being.

The first strategy to make happiness work for you is to simplify your life and focus more on what’s going on on the inside. Turn off the phone. Put away the tablet. Close the computer. Shut down the streaming service. Relax. Pray. Get in touch with God. Invest in relationships. Chill. Actually, these can all be strategies in and of themselves, but as long as your brain is inundated with messages telling you you can’t be happy without that next widget, then it’s going to be difficult to work on happiness. So, simplify.

 2. Pursue Your Strengths

Self-awareness is generally a good thing. Learning about your talents and “potential strengths” is a good way to understand what makes you tick and what strengths to pursue. Strengths are associated with virtues. To develop strengths, you develop virtue. I posted video and blog post not too long ago on the subject of virtues, check it out. A happy life is a virtuous life, a life in pursuit of the good. A good life is a GOOD life, a life that makes the world a better place, a life that grows in goodness and godliness. Learning about how God wired you is one of the ways you can work with happiness to produce more happiness in and through your life. 

There are two main places to go to discover your strengths. One is the popular Clifton StrengthsFinder which you can purchase through the Gallup organization. This assessment is great for thinking about how your talents and strengths manifest in the workplace. The other, is the VIA Character Strengths Test through the Authentic Happiness website of the University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology Center. This test is free. There are a ton of other questionnaires on the UPenn site that can help you understand where you are and even track your progress toward subjective well-being, as the psychologists like to call it.  By the way, I’m not selling anything. These are resources I’ve personally used in my life and in coaching others to grow their sense of happiness and well-being.

3. Invest in Others

Invest in others. That’s the third way to pursue happiness. When you invest in the lives and happiness of others, it helps you cultivate your personal happiness. You anticipate your own happiness by putting it to work in the lives of others. One of the major detractors from happiness is an unhealthy focus on your self. Sometimes we call it naval-gazing or self-absorption, or even narcissism. In our consumer culture, we’re taught this way of being. “Have it your way. It’s all about you. You deserve the best. You, you, you.” A me-focussed life is counter-productive. It’s a way to pursue happiness that never works. Actually, the me-focussed life is always guaranteed to produce the opposite of happiness. It’s one of the great challenges of modern life. When you’re taught from childhood the world revolves around you, and then you experience real life, reality teaches some hard lessons. The sooner you learn the lesson, the better off you’ll be, that you’re not the center of the universe. One of the key tenets of the Christian faith is that of self-sacrifice. The path to happiness and wholeness, the way to the blessed life is to be a blessing to others. 

So, do it. Volunteer. Get involved. Serve through your church. Find an organization that’s making a difference for the least, the last, and the lost, and join them in that work.

President John F. Kennedy got it so right! “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.” Yes! Get the focus off you and start making other people’s lives better. You’ll be amazed as to how that transformation of perspective helps form and maintain happiness.

Okay, that’s three. When I started working on this post, I was going to share five ways, so I think I need another to fill out the rest. Check back soon for more ways to put happiness to work in your life.

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Check out the Video Version of this post.

Does God Care If You're Happy?

Does God care if you’re happy? Looking around the interwebs I find tons of secular resources on happiness. We need more Christian voices out here. The problem is that when the topic of happiness comes up, lots of Christians believe happiness and godliness don’t go together. Why the disconnect between happiness and the Christian life? Perhaps it’s a reaction against the individualistic and self-centered nature of contemporary culture. Whatever the reason, much anti-happiness rhetoric comes forth from Christian sources.

I recently read in a devotional the statement,  “God’s gift isn’t superficial or temporal happiness.” I agree, true happiness isn’t superficial, it runs deeper. However, I strongly disagree with the idea that God’s not concerned about our temporal happiness. That means happiness right now, in the state we’re in prior to the return of Christ and the fullness of the Kingdom. No doubt God wants you to be happy and joyful in eternity, but that doesn’t mean he does not care about your happiness right now. He cares.

God cares because he loves you and wants you to live a deeply fulfilling, meaningful, flourishing life. Also, I believe sour puss Christians just aren’t good witnesses for Christ. So Christians ought to be happy and actively pursuing happiness.

I’ve seen multiple sermons titled: “God Doesn’t Care about Your Happiness.” or something close to this. On a Christian Blog I read a post titled: “Why God Doesn’t Care if You’re Happy.” That’s really a weird thing to say, when you think about it. Jesus says our earthly fathers want to give us good things. If our earthly fathers, who are far from perfect, want to give us good things, then how much more does our heavenly Father give good to those who ask? God wants to fill your life with goodness.

Healthy earthly fathers who love their children want them to be happy, even if they don’t fully understand happiness. How much more does the Heavenly Father who knows you better than you know yourself, desire your happiness?

When I look for resources pertaining to the flourishing life and how to live it, I find all kinds of material in secular sources like University of Pennsylvania, Yale, and many private organizations sharing help from Positive Psychology and philosophy about happiness and human flourishing. There are very few, however, talking about the spiritual aspects of emotional well-being or the religious background of Positive Psychology. There is a religious background, by the way. It’s a rich history.

All truth is God’s truth. The discoveries of Positive Psychology are what the Bible has taught for millennia. The flourishing life, the abundant life, what we often refer to as happiness, is an important subject in the Scriptures. That’s why it puzzles me when Christians say things like “God doesn’t care about your happiness.” I believe this is a false statement, one that leads people to a less-than life, a life with less joy, less meaning, less fulfillment than God intends for his children.

One of the main reasons Christians say, “God doesn’t care about your happiness, but he does care about your holiness” is that many fail to understand the proper definition of the words happiness and holiness. Christians are apt to make this error because much of what passes for “happiness” in popular culture is vacuous. So many pursue happiness poorly, ending in less-than happy, less than meaningful and fulfilling lives.  Often what our Western, radically individualistic, self-centered culture holds up as happiness has no hope of empowering people to actually live happy lives.

Pastors, preachers, and Bible teachers are often reacting against a misinterpretation of happiness and avoid the topic altogether, or they hold up a straw man argument only to knock it down, not realizing they’re missing God’s good intention for happiness, wholeness, peace, joy, and love that God desires for people of faith.

So, let me get back to my original question: Does God Care If You’re Happy? Yes. God cares if you’re happy. As a matter of fact, God wants you to be happy. The whole of the Scriptures point to this truth, that happiness is the desirable state of humanity. Because of the Fall, human rebellion, and brokenness, happiness became illusive as human affections and desires have been twisted and misaimed. This doesn’t change God’s original intention. You can discover and live happiness through grace. You were created to know and experience a flourishing life, the absolute best life you can live, and God, indeed, wants that life for you.

There are an abundance of places in Scripture where we see this played out in the narrative, but I want to just point out one for you here, and it comes from the words of Jesus, himself. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep” (John 10:10-11 ESV). Jesus presents himself as the Good Shepherd, picking up on Old Testament imagery of God as the Shepherd and God’s people as the sheep, think Psalm 23, “The Lord is my shepherd…”

The word translated as “abundantly” could also be translated as “over and above,” “extraordinary,” or “greater.” Jesus says he came that you might have greater life, an extraordinary life, an abundant life. God desires your life to be full, meaningful, blessed, and flourishing. God offers more than mere survival. He created you to thrive.

Does God care if you’re happy? Yes. He cares and he’s intervened in on your behalf to offer this life through Christ. 

In later posts I’ll tackle just exactly what is true happiness according to Scripture. I’ll deal with the question, “Knowing God wants you to be happy is it sinful to be unhappy?” There are more questions and angles from which to understand this happy, blessed, fulfilling life God desires for you and how you can live it now and into eternity.

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A video version of this post is here.

Upping Your Optimism Game

It’s amazing to reflect on some of the latest findings about how our brains function. You’re brain is sort of like the wiring in a house. Habitual thought-patterns make physical changes in your neural pathways and you become set in your way of thinking and perceiving the world. That’s kind of the bad news if you’re a persistently negative, the cup’s half-empty, pessimistic person. But there’s really good news: those pathways are pliable. You can rewire your brain by intentionally altering the way you think about yourself and the world in which you live.

There are physical, emotional, spiritual, and relational benefits to becoming a more optimistic, more positive person. These all contribute to your sense of well-being and happiness. There are five practices to boost your optimism I want to share with you.

1. Practice Gratitude

Optimism is future-oriented, so why am I talking about gratitude? Isn’t gratitude more about reflecting on the past? Well, developing an attitude of gratitude about the past helps grow your optimism for the future. How you perceive the past influences how you perceive the future.

Your brain lays down circuitry, complex neural pathways based on the habitual ways you perceive your experiences. When you adopt a complaining, victimhood, grievance mindset and choose to ruminate on past problems, that way of thinking colors the way you think about the present and the future.

A perpetual victimhood mindset disempowers your ability to make positive choices. If everything is and alway has been terrible and there’s nothing you can do about it, then you’ll be doomed to a life of negativity. The flourishing life you really want to live will always be out of your grasp because you empowered others and circumstances to choose how you feel. You’ve given away your autonomy, your power to choose.

What you want to do is choose to reflect positively on your past. Reflect on those people and situations that were a blessing. Cultivate gratitude for the good. You definitely want to acknowledge the challenges you overcame, the obstacles you sidesteped, and then think about the people who were there for you to light the way. Be thankful. Ruminate on good things.

Do you know where we get the word “ruminate.” It comes from the farm. Cows chew their cud. That’s to ruminate, to chew on something. They chew on it in order to extract every last bit of nutrition so they can be healthy. You want to ruminate on things that bring you health. Gratitude helps build a healthy, positive sense of your past and of you.

You may have made some real numbskull, destructive decisions in your past. Be thankful you’re still here, that you didn’t totally blow it, that you have the ability, now, to avoid some of the bad choices you’ve made before.

As you look back with gratitude, it helps shape a more positive, optimistic sense of the future.

2. Be Future-Oriented

I’m not a historian, but I’ve studied a lot of history and to this day I read history. I think history’s important. Understanding the past, what happened, why things happened the way they did, enables us to understand the present and helps us prepare for the future. 

There are great benefits to reflecting on your personal history, on comprehending why you did what you did, why you responded to circumstances in your life the way you did. How those responses and activities were helpful or a hinderance to living a fulfilling, happy life.

But, saying all of that, I want to remind you the bulk of your mental energy needs to be focussed on the future if you want to develop a more optimistic attitude.

What are the personal consequences in the future to the action I’m taking right now or the attitude I’m adopting in the present? A future-orientation benefits you in the future.

I love that song from the musical, Annie: "The sun'll come out/Tomorrow/Bet your bottom dollar/That tomorrow/There'll be sun!"

This may be an overly simplistic attitude for some circumstances and situations, but be careful you don’t make the opposite mistake and make things too complicated. The reality is that you have the power to make tomorrow better than today based on the choices you’re contemplating right now about your actions and, especially, your attitude.

Learn from the past, but lean into a positive, optimistic future. This naturally flows into the third practice:

3. Focus on what You CAN Do

I had a really annoying teacher in elementary school who, in response to a student saying “I can’t” would always say, “You’re an AmeriCAN not an AmeriCAN’T!” If she said that once, she said it a hundred times.

Well, you can’t do everything, but you can do some things. And focussing on what you can do makes a big difference.

In mathematics there’s the concept of Set and Subset. A set is a collection of things, numbers, objects, whatever. A subset is a smaller collection of things, which are all part of the larger set.  Think about dogs, all dogs, that’s a set. There are different subsets. Chihuahuas represent a subset of the set, dogs. All Chihuahuas are dogs, but not all dogs are Chihuahuas. Chihuahuas represent a subset of the set containing all dogs.

There’s a Set of “Things I Care About” and a Subset of “Things for which I’m Responsible.”

The number of things I care about is larger than the things I’m responsible for. I care about the choices my adult children make. I’m not responsible for them. I have some influence, but ultimately, they make the decisions. I care, but I’m not responsible. My adult children’s choices are in the set of things I care about, but not in the subset of things for which I’m responsible.

I am, however, responsible for my own choices. I’m responsible for what I eat, whether or not I exercise, what I take into my brain through television and the internet, the people with whom I choose to spend my time. These things are in both the set of things I care about and the subset of things I’m responsible for.

If you stay focused on stuff that matters to you, that you care about, but don’t really have responsibility for, well, you can get frozen and do nothing, or get frustrated because all your mental energy isn’t helping, or lapse into a victimhood, negative, pessimistic mindset. 

What are you actually responsible for? What can you influence? Where can you make a difference? That makes up the subset of the things you can do, and you need to do the things you can do, not worry about the things you can’t.

4. Combat Negative Thoughts

Mindfulness is the art of being aware of your inner dialogue. Each of us has an inner dialogue that runs through our waking hours. This self-talk has a much to do with whether we’re optimistic or not. Lots of negative thoughts about yourself, your companions, and the world, will naturally lead to a more pessimistic mindset, and to a less-than-happy experience of life.

Pay attention to your thoughts. Does your mind tend toward negative explanations for what’s happening or positive? For instance, you text a friend and there’s a delay in response. Negative explanations may sound like this: “He doesn’t like me,” or “She never answers back in a timely manner,” or “I don’t really matter to him.” 

Those negative thoughts can snowball into a negative mindset, which leads to pessimism. Instead of evaluating your circumstances negatively, combat those negative thoughts with something more positive or neutral. 

“He might be on a call;” “She may have silenced her phone.” or “He’s in the middle of something, he’ll get back to me as soon as he can.” 

When you have a negative thought, you want to challenge it and substitute a better thought. Consider a student faced with a bad grade. They could say, “I’m stupid,” or “I’ll never do better than this,” or “I just don’t have what it takes.” These three explanations are almost certainly untrue, but if you say them to yourself and believe them, they may devolve into a negative self-fulfilling prophecy. 

It’s best to combat those negative thoughts and provide a substitute: “I didn’t get much sleep before that test. I’ll do better next time.” Or, “I find this subject challenging, I can seek out some extra help.” 

You’re not a bad person because you thought a negative thought, but you also don’t have to believe that thought. You can dispute it and substitute something more positive and become a more optimistic person.

5. Consider Your Friends and Co-workers

With whom do you spend most of your time? It turns out that optimism (and pessimism) is contagious.

Take notice of the people you’re around. What’s their outlook? How do they deal with adversity? Listen to them describe life and circumstances. How is this person’s optimism or pessimism affecting you? 

Just as you combat your own negative thoughts, you can combat the negative expressions of others. Now, it might not be helpful to do this out loud. I mean, you’re not looking to get into an argument. If your friend says something like, “Nothing ever goes my way!” You can simply dispute that in your own head, “That’s not really true, they just got a new job, or they’ve overcome similar problems in the past.” You may want to share more positive thoughts in subtle ways, it can help. 

There are, however, some people to whom you’ll want to minimize your exposure. The toxic negativity of some of your friends or co-workers can be a serious drag on your efforts at becoming more optimistic. At least, for a season, while you build up your positive thoughts, emotions, and optimism, you may want to invest more time in people who are positive, allowing their good vibrations to rub off on you.

These are five practices to boost your optimism. Developing an optimistic, future-oriented, outlook on life is one of the keys to cultivating happiness. I hope you can put one or more of these practices to use in your life and see some positive results.

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Check out the YouTube Video of this post here.

What Is Happiness?

What Is Happiness?

Everyone wants to be happy, so it’s probably a good idea to figure out what happiness actually is! 

People have been thinking about happiness for a very long time, there’s even a really cool book titled, “Happiness: A History” by a historian named Darrin McMahon. If you want to be happy, well, then you might want to put some thought into what exactly happiness is and of what it consists. The 18^th century philosopher, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, said: “Every man wants to be happy, but in order to be so he needs first to understand what happiness is.” 

Do you know how hard it is to come up with a decent definition of happiness? It’s hard. Here’s an example. I looked it up on the interwebs. “Happiness is the state of being happy.” How helpful is that? Not very, but it’s typical of dictionary definitions of happiness. To get at the meaning for happiness (and the happiness of meaning), you need to dig deeper.

In the discipline of psychology, that’s one group of academics that’s been thinking a lot about happiness, lately, they use different phrases for happiness. They gravitate toward “psychological well-being,” or “subjective well-being.” However helpful these terms are in the psychology world, for the rest of us, I’m not sure they bring much more to the table because now you have to define “well-being.” 

So, so let me just share with you my definition of happiness:

Happiness is the state of being of wholeness, flourishing, joy, optimism, meaning, connectedness, and contentment.

To help you get a better grasp on what it is we’re all looking for in life, I want to break down my definition of happiness.

Wholeness - being whole, being complete, sensing that your life is together, that it’s made up of all that you want it to be in this particular time.  There’s an ancient concept of wholeness found in the Hebrew Scriptures, sometimes translated as “peace;” it’s the word shalom. Wholeness implies maturity, security, and significance. I’ll have a lot more to say about wholeness in the future. 

Flourishing - I like the word “flourishing.” I use it a lot. Someone is flourishing when they’re thriving, they’re productive, they’re experiencing personal growth. Flourishing captures a sense of development and transformation. Flourishing people are engaging their talents and strengths in meaningful activities that make a difference. 

Joy - Some might think the word joy is just another word that means happiness. Joy does capture that sense of positive emotions and feelings that we often associate with happiness, but it communicates it in a deeper way. Joy is lasting, while feelings can be fleeting. Feelings are often related to pleasure, or the lack of pleasure, but joy runs deeper. Joy is pleasurable, but joy reaches to the depths of one’s being, while pleasure is more of a surface experience. 

Optimism - A sense of hopefulness about the future is a key to happiness. Not only that, but a hopefulness that what you’re doing, the activities you engage in on a daily basis have the potential to influence your future for the good. An optimistic attitude that contributes to happiness is not a pollyannish, everything’s perfect way of thinking, but a genuinely positive, forward-leaning state of mind.

Meaning - Now, this is important, but challenging. A happy life is a life of meaning. It’s a life invested in making a difference in a realm bigger than the self. Meaning has to do with leaving a legacy, making an impact, transcending the small, limited life of personal concern. There’s a lot to be said about how we can live meaningful, fulfilling lives, so stay tuned for more.

Connectedness - To be happy is to relish the relationships of life. It’s to be invested in deep, meaningful, long-term relationships with people whom you love. Connectedness doesn’t dictate the types of relationships these are. They can be family of origin, spouse, children, coworkers, and friendships. These meaningful relationships come in all shapes and sizes, the important component of connectedness is commitment. You’re committed to these people over the long-haul and they’re committed to you.

Contentment, or Life Satisfaction. A person who’s happy is content with their life. They experience a sense of satisfaction. They may be actively working to improve their life and the lives of those around them, but they’re satisfied in the moment with the progress they’ve made, where they find themselves at the current time, and the direction they’re headed. 

That’s it. A definition and quick summary of the different facets of happiness. It’s the state of being of wholeness, flourishing, joy, optimism, meaning, connectedness, and contentment. 

Hopefully, breaking it down can help you make positive changes in your life and work on building a happier and more fulfilling future.

That’s what this blog and my YouTube channel is all about. I want to help you Cultivate Happiness. The world is a better place with happy people in it! In the next weeks to come, we’ll be digging deeper into each one of these seven key components of happiness.

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Check out the video version here on my YouTube channel.