Chris Howlett

Busting More Happiness Myths

There is soooo much misinformation out there about happiness. I could probably write a dozen busting happiness myths posts. Happiness is misunderstood, both what it is and how to get there.

In an earlier post I wrote about five happiness myths. You can check it out here to catch up.  In this post, I share two more happiness myths.

Every single person wants to be happy. Living a meaningful, flourishing life motivates all your actions. Sadly, it seems that so many miss the mark and live far less than happy, sometimes even miserable lives. I’ve always been puzzled by this. If we’re all driven to happiness, why do so many engage in activities and attitudes that sabatoge their psychological well-being? Well, that’s a big question with lots of different ways to try to answer it. Happiness myths contribute to the problem. These are widely-held, but false, beliefs concerning what causes happiness.

If you want to be happy, (if you’re breathing, you do!) then you’ll want to understand and avoid the following Happiness Myths:

Myth 6: “I’ll be happy when…”

I refer to this as the “If/Then Fallacy.” The If/Then Fallacy teaches that if some set of outward circumstance changes, then you’ll be happy. The emphasis is on the outward circumstances. A lot of things fit into this fallacy. Other myths tie in also, such as “If I make x number of dollars, then I’ll be happy.” Poverty is definitely a drag on happiness, but earning a higher income or getting more stuff won’t help with happiness if you’re not impoverished. There’s plenty of evidence that a brief uptick in positive emotions does occur when you acquire a new physical belonging, but it’s temporary. Then, what if you paid for this new widget with a credit card simply to get that quick boost in mood? When the bill comes due, your psychological well-being can take a hit because of debt and the challenges that come with it.

Other expressions of the If/Then Fallacy go like this: If I get married, then I’ll be happy. If we have kids, then we’ll be happy. If I get that promotion, then I’ll be happy. If I had a bigger house… on and on and on, the cycle never ends and happiness remains ever illusive.

Happiness has more to do with your mindset and thought patterns than outward circumstance, no matter how good of bad those circumstances. Environmental conditions contribute to happiness, but your inner thought-life and attitude makes the biggest difference and can override even disastrously negative circumstances to contribute to long-term psychological well-being.

Myth 7: Someone owes you happiness. 

I want to preface this with a word about the importance of our responsibility to our fellow human beings. No person is an island. We’re individuals, but we’re connected. The pandemic is teaching us the hard way. We share so much of our lives, including the air we breath! We’re connected. What I do or do not do affects more than me. The attitudes I choose to adopt, the outlook I choose to communicate, the kind of work I do, all my choices affect others. We’re not alone. We depend on each other, and obviously others depend on us. So, we owe it to each another to be the best kind of people we can be.

Having said that, however, believing someone else is responsible for happiness in your life is a losing proposition. Healthy, positive relationships are vital for psychological well-being, but happiness is more than a give and take and you’re ultimately responsible for your personal happiness. 

Think about God. He created you to be happy. Jesus said he came to offer you abundant life (John 10:10). But you have to receive it. You have to apply Jesus’ teachings to your life. God loves you more than anyone and desires your happiness, but he’s not going to make you happy. Happiness is up to you. So, if God, who can do anything, isn’t responsible for your happiness, then neither is your significant other,  or your boss, or co-worker, or neighbor, or friend, or child. Please, don’t try to set your children up to be responsible for your happiness. 

No one owes you happiness. They do owe you to treat you with dignity. They owe you to live within healthy boundaries. They ought to treat you with respect. But, they don’t owe you happiness. Here’s a little secret: They can’t give you happiness, anyway, even if they wanted to make you happy. Frankly, that’s where boundaries get crossed and happiness proves even more elusive. When we blur boundaries between where you begin and another person ends and just who is responsible for what in a relationship, happiness flees.

The flip side of this, of course, is you’re not responsible for someone else’s happiness. You love those persons who are closest in your life, you want them to be happy, you want to do what you can do to contribute to their happiness, but you can’t make them happy. Only they can make them happy. Period.

Happiness, or the flourishing life, or psychological well-being is worth pursuing. When you’re happy you’ll contribute more to a happy world. God created you to be happy and he’s given you free will and the inspiration to make healthy, happy choices to experience the life you’ve always wanted to live, a happy, fulfilling, contributing life.

My next post will be “Myths: God Version.” What are some of the myths about God and his plan for happiness (or the opposite) that keep people from experiencing the flourishing life? Stay tuned for more.

The Connection Between Happiness and Holiness

Is there a connection between happiness and holiness? Are people of faith happier than those who lack faith? Christians have been thinking about this for many years and the consensus, from the early church, is that happiness and faith, particularly, happiness and holiness, go hand in hand.

What is happiness? In psychology they often speak of psychological well-being. Some of the major components that make up a happy, flourishing life are:

1. Positive emotions.

A happy person experiences more positive than negative emotions.

2. Flourishing. 

A flourishing life is a thriving, growing, engaged, positive life.

3. Optimism.

It’s difficult to be happy when you’re thoughts are dominated by negativity and pessimism. A happy person is optimistic and hopeful, not polyanna-ish, but an optimism grounded in hope that the future can be good and they can contribute to the goodness of that future.

4. Connectedness. 

A happy life is connected to other people. We’re relational beings. Healthy, positive relationships are a key to happiness.

5. Meaning. 

A happy life is a life of meaning, invested in others, making a difference in something bigger than the self.

6.  Contentment.

A happy person possesses a satisfaction with their life so far, knowing their accomplishments are worthwhile. There’s a settled contentment and gratitude. As the happy person grows older, this sense of happiness increases.

There’s plenty more we could say about happiness, but this is a good summary, I think. Now, I want to talk about the connection between happiness and holiness.

Holiness??? Yes, holiness! Stick with me, here, this is important. Perhaps one of the reasons happiness can be so elusive is its ties to holiness. That’s a crazy scary word for man, unfortunately, even for Christians. I’m not sure where we went wrong with this word, but it’s time to reclaim it and renew our desire and hopes for it in our own lives and in the lives of others.

I’m Methodist and this is one of the distinctives of the historic Methodist movement begun in eighteenth century England by a pair of Anglican priests, John and Charles Wesley. Methodists don’t have the holiness market cornered, but it’s been one of the distinctives of the Methodist brand of Christianity that many of us are looking to renew.

Holiness, in short, means loving God with your whole heart, mind, soul, and strength, and loving your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:34-40).

Love God with your whole being. Love your neighbor the way you love yourself. Holiness requires receiving perfect love from God, the love that casts out all fear. God’s love transfroms you to the point that your heart is constantly disposed to the love of God and neighbor. God accomplishes this work in the heart and life of an individual Jesus-follower, by his Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit makes us holy.

John Wesley described holiness: “True religion is right tempers towards God and man. It is, in two words, gratitude and benevolence: gratitude toward our Creator and supreme Benefactor, and benevolence to our fellow-creatures. In other words, it is the loving God with all our heart, and our neighbour as ourselves.” John Wesley, The Unity of the Divine Being, 16.

There is a vertical and horizontal dimension to holiness. A life of thanksgiving for God’s goodness, a life of gratitude, is the vertical dimension. Benevolence toward our fellow human beings proceeds from our thanksgiving to God. We want to do good for others, we want to bless them and love them.

Sadly, since the Reformation in the sixteenth century, our concept of salvation focussed on our eternal destiny and not so much on what we’re supposed to be doing with life before we reach that destiny. Faith devolved into “salvation as fire insurance” rather than salvation as transformation so that we’re actually fit for heaven. When we push potential happiness out to the “afterlife” it gets disconnected from everyday life. We need a robust conception of holiness together with the happiness that it produces today, in the present. God loves you and wants you to experience a holy life of happiness, peace, fulfillment, impact, and meaning.

Holiness and happiness are linked. John Wesley demonstrates the connection: “As the more holy we are upon earth the more happy we must be; (seeing there is an inseparable connexion between holiness and happiness); as the more good we do to others, the more of present reward redounds into our own bosom.” John Wesley, God’s Love to Fallen Man, II.10.

Redounds. That’s an archaic word. It means “to come back upon.” The good we do to others comes back to us because it feels good to do good to others. This is one of the discoveries of modern psychology. We didn’t need psychologists to tells us this, but it’s interesting when we discover intersections between faith and reason, religion and science. When it comes to happiness, we find tons of these connections.

The Scriptures testify to this link between happiness and holiness. One of my favorite “happy holy” texts is Psalm 1:

“Happy are those

who do not follow the advice of the wicked,

or take the path that sinners tread,

or sit in the seat of scoffers;

  but their delight is in the law of the LORD,

and on his law they meditate day and night.

  They are like trees

planted by streams of water,

which yield their fruit in its season,

and their leaves do not wither.

In all that they do, they prosper.” Psalm 1:1-3 (NRSV)

Delight in the instruction of the Lord, the implication is that you are actually following God’s loving leadership. You’ll be like a tree beside the water, flourishing, yielding the fruit of a joy-filled, happy life.

The logic runs that God made you and he knows better than anyone what makes you tick, the actions and attitudes that will enable you to live an flourishing human life, a life of hopefulness and meaning, in short, a happy life.

Holiness, a life dedicated to loving God and neighbor, touches on all the main contributors to happiness that we’re learning in the field of Positive Psychology. Positive Psychology studies optimal human functioning. Researchers look for attitudes, actions, and circumstances that produce a fulfilling, happy life.

Relationships. To experience a happy life, you need positive, healthy relationships. The Christian faith says much about happy, healthy relationships. God loves you, his desire is that you would love him and love others. 

Optimism. Happy people are optimistic. As Christians, we take our cues from God. God is the most optimistic person. He looked at humanity, with all our unhappiness and brokenness, what we call sin, and he sent his Son, Jesus, to offer forgiveness and freedom. That’s how much he loves this messed up world. He’s optimistic that with his help people can change and the world can be a better place. The world is an infinitely better place because of Christ-followers seeking to love God and others. So much that’s improved life for billions of people on this planet originated with Christians looking to please God: science, medicine, education, even capitalism, which has lifted billions out of the drudgery of extreme poverty, were all founded and nurtured by Christians. The world is far better than it would have been had Christ not come.

Meaning. A happy life is a life that contributes to something greater than the self. The Christian faith obviously offers meaning. Christians find meaning in blessing others, in making the world a better place, in sacrificing so others can experience hope. A person pursuing holiness knows they are a part of something much bigger than themselves.

Strengths. Happy people engage their talents and strengths on a regular basis in work and leisure activities. Christians believe that God created each person uniquely. Each individual is endowed by God with talents that God wants us to utilize. When you discover your talents and build them into strengths, you experience a greater sense of purpose and flow in your daily life, increasing your sense of psychological well-being. Learning who God made you to be, then being that person, grows your maturity and happiness.

Happiness and holiness are definitely connected. Don’t be afraid of holiness. It’s not an elusive dream, it’s real. It’s about receiving God’s forgiveness and love, then returning love to God and offering love to others, being transformed by God’s grace. As you grow in faith, you grow in love for God and others. God blesses you with increasing happiness until we experience the ultimate happiness when Jesus returns and fully establishes his Kingdom, his rule, his loving leadership over all creation.

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See the YouTube version of this post here.

The Answer to Hopelessness

The Courier-Journal headline reads: “Kentucky bourbon giant Jim Beam reaches milestone despite COVID-19.” The story tells of record production during the pandemic as they respond to accelerating demand. That’s the real story. The headline should read that their production milestone was reached because of the pandemic, not despite it.

The increasing demand for liquor coincides with another accelerating trend during the pandemic in the United States: deaths of despair. These are lives lost due to depression, substance abuse, and a growing sense of hopelessness, especially among working-age males. This anxiety-induced pattern has been with us for a while, but the pandemic brought the crisis to a head. Something's going terribly wrong in American culture.

Social scientists try to comprehend what’s driving the downward spiral in mental and emotional health. The economic challenges and isolation of the pandemic certainly contribute. A major cause, or perhaps co-morbidity, seems to be a sense of hopelessness and loss of meaning many are feeling. The decline of influence of the Christian faith contributes to these ever-increasing challenges people face in coping with modern life.

The Good News is that the Church has the answer. We can offer the therapeutic. There is a Balm in Gilead who can heal the sin-sick soul. Churches need to reach beyond the four walls and meet people where they are, in their neighborhoods and social networks, get to know them, love them, and invite them into a life-changing relationship with Jesus. 

A life without Christ is a life devoid of hope and meaning. God didn’t create us so we would eek out a miserable survival, but that our lives would flourish and thrive, that our relationships would be positive and life-affirming, that our work would be fulfilling, and that we would join him in his mission of redeeming all creation. God is good. Let’s share this good news with those who desperately need a new lease on life.

Do You Want a Happy OR Meaningful Life?

Do you want a happy life or a meaningful life? Well, this question poses a false dichotomy. You can’t have a happy life without living a meaningful life. Meaning is a vital component of happiness. A life devoid of meaning would be devoid of happiness. So many people, sadly, pursue happiness without knowing how to, or that they even should, pursue meaning.

How do they miss building meaning in their search for happiness? They don’t understand happiness. Happiness, the way it’s generally pursued in our culture, is a mostly self-focussed act. We chase the positive emotions associated with happiness but not the undergirding characteristics and activities that lead to lasting happiness.

For instance, if you adopt an entitlement mentality, the idea you deserve happiness simply by being you, you’ll probably miss the emphasis on building meaning and you’ll miss happiness.

If you lead a self-centered life, a life that’s all about you, where you believe others and human institutions exist primarily to fulfill your needs and wants, if you always put yourself first, then you’ll miss meaning and you’ll mis-pursue happiness.

If you conceptualize yourself primarily as a consumer, looking for happiness in material objects, you’ll miss happiness.

If you think life is about building wealth and fame, you’ll almost guarantee you’ll miss happiness.

So, there are many ways to get off track. The lack of building meaning is one of the primary obstacles to happiness that exists in Western societies today.

So, let’s talk about meaning. What is “meaning” and why is it important for a flourishing life?

Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is a good lens through which to examine meaning. High school Psychology classes cover this. Certainly intro Psychology classes in college encourage students to learn the different levels of Maslow’s Hierarchy. 

Maslow introduced the concept in a paper published in 1943, titled, “A Theory of Human Motivation.” That’s what it is, a theory.

Maslow was thinking through motivations. Persons who don’t have basic needs met will be motivated differently than those who have all their fundamental needs fulfilled. If you don’t secure shelter and food, you’ll not function like someone who has shelter and food. That person can and will focus on other, “higher” needs. 

Through his observations Maslow posited five levels of needs that exist in a hierarchy. You have to meet the lower level needs before your mind can focus on meeting higher needs.

From lowest to highest, these human needs are:

Physiological Needs – food, water, air, etc.

Safety – shelter, job, basic financial security

Social Needs – friendships, romantic attachment, family, various groups

Esteem Needs – need for appreciation and respect

Self-Actualization Needs – achievement of full potential, using talents and capabilities to produce self-fulfillment.

Later, in life, however, Maslow modified his theory and added a sixth, higher, peak level of human need: the need for self-transcendence. This has to do with meaning, the need to connect to something beyond the self and help others find fulfillment in living. Self-transcendence means moving outside of and beyond your self to contribute to the good of others.

Through the years, Maslow’s theory been thoroughly debated in the Psychology community, I would add in Philosophy and Religion, also. When you examine Maslow’s methodology, you begin to see that his is more of a philosophical theory than a scientific one. The point is that this was highly influential in how people generally think about their own needs. The highest need according to the most widely spread and most influential version of Maslow’s Hierarchy is self-actualization. Most people, even psychologists, didn’t get the memo about self-transcendence and meaning. Even the way it’s taught today often leaves off this most important discussion of meaning.

Meaning is a vital aspect of happiness. Martin Seligman, some refer to him as the father of Positive Psychology, has evolved his conceptualization of happiness and meaning. In one of his later books, Flourish, he discusses meaning in detail. As a matter of fact, he includes meaning as one of his five major components of a flourishing or happy life.

Seligman defines meaning as, “belonging to and serving something that you believe is bigger than self” (Flourish). Meaning is an important part of the happiness equation and meaning cannot be pursued through merely self-focused methods and ways of being.

Viktor Frankl, an Austrian Neurologist and Psychiatrist, was born in 1905. Because he was Jewish, he and his family were rounded up and committed to Nazi concentration camps. His wife, father, mother, and brother all died. He survived the war and liberation, having spent a total of three years in four different camps.

While imprisoned, he made keen observations about human nature, both human cruelty and human resilience.  When he was liberated, he returned to Austria where he wrote one of the top most influential books ever written, Man’s Search for Meaning.

The original title of the book in German is translated, Nevertheless, Saying ‘Yes’ to Life. The book was not only about meaning, but about finding hope in meaning.

Frankl observed that those prisoners of the concentration camps who could imagine, could visualize themselves pursuing meaning and purpose following this horrendously dehumanizing experience of living in a Nazi concentration camp were more likely to survive. So, for Frankl, meaning and hope go together. Being able to see past the circumstances of the present, and know that your life was going to matter on the other side, was a vital to survival. Those who gave up hope for meaning gave up their will to live.

Frankl wrote: “There is nothing in the world that would so effectively help one to survive even the worst conditions, as the knowledge that there is a meaning in one's life... quoting Nietzsche ‘He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.’” – Man’s Search for Meaning. 

Why? Why am I here? Why does my life matter? What is the meaning of my existence? These are big questions that need to be answered for us to know lasting happiness and experience flourishing lives.

Do you want a meaningful or happy life? Yes. You need both.

Everyone wants to be happy. Happiness without building meaning is impossible. You only build meaning when you see yourself making a contribution outside your self, when you make an impact on something bigger, something deeper, something that will be a blessing to others.

If you ask me, the greatest meaning in life, is living for our Creator God, the God who said to Abraham, I’m going to bless you and all the peoples of the earth will be blessed through you. That is the very definition of meaning, to be blessed by God so God can bless others in and through your life.

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The Video Version of this Post is Here.

Books mentioned (affiliate links):

Martin Seligman, "Flourish" https://amzn.to/3juhYJV

Viktor Frankl, "Man's Search for Meaning" https://amzn.to/3fDbxmB

More Religious = More Happy??

Does religious participation make you happier? How does religion affect happiness? 

First of all, I must confess: I used the “Religion vs. Relationship” trope years ago in a series of sermons at Christ Church United Methodist in Lexington, KY. I was wrong to use these words in that way. I would have been better off using “Legalism or Legalistic” versus the faith that Jesus came to nature in his followers, rather than “Religion vs. Relationship.”

The way the religion vs. relationship duality usually goes is: the Pharisees were religious but Jesus offers a relationship. Both are true, but they’re also misleading. The Pharisees believed in a relationship with God and Jesus believed religion was a good thing. He was, after all, a religious Jew who faithfully, dare I say, religiously, participated in the religious life of the synagogue and on pilgrimage to Jerusalem to join in religious rituals at the Temple. The big conflict between the Pharisees and Jesus was not religion vs. relationship, but who gets to be included in the “In-Group.” Who’s worth saving? And, what is the role and purpose of the people of God in the world. There were huge differences between Jesus and the religious leaders of his day, but it really had nothing to do with the juxtaposition of religion and relationship.

Another false dichotomy is the supposed difference between spiritual and religious. You’ve probably heard someone say, “I’m spiritual but not religious.” This means they see themselves as a spiritual being with a spirituality but they’re averse to organized religion. From what I’ve seen, read, and heard, spirituality without religion is a whole lot like a baseball player without a team. You might have a ball, a bat, and a glove, but your baseball’s not going to be real useful without other people. There really is no such thing as a meaningful spirituality outside of religion. I’m developing a series of sermons titled, “Spiritual and Religious.”

Religion is good. It refers to something productive and beneficial in society and in a person’s life. Religion offers a theoretical framework, or beliefs, to comprehend ultimate reality, a practical expression through religious gatherings and actions, and sociological structures through which the religious group relates to the broader social construct. 

Does religious participation make you happier?

Yes, according to Dr. William Sander of DePaul University, who carried out a meta-study of studies. He states: “Participation in religious activities is positively associated with higher levels of happiness.” 

What these studies reveal again and again is that religious participation, not just mere affiliation, is positively associated with happiness.

You can break down the population into three broad categories: Non-Religious; Religious Affiliation; Religious Participation. The non-religious are least happy. Those with some religious affiliation are happier. Those who regularly participate in religious activities are the happiest.

Why does religious participation contribute to happiness? There are four big reasons:

1. Meaning/Purpose of Life

If you think your life has meaning, if you believe your life serves a higher purpose, then you are much more likely to be happy. If on the other hand life has no meaning outside of the propagation of DNA, then happiness will prove illusive. If all life is only a random conglomeration of molecules, then there is no higher purpose of meaning to your life or anyone else’s life, for that matter. Religion offers a framework for understanding the meaning and purpose of your life, which leads to a deeper sense of happiness.

2. Relational Connection

One of the primary causes of happiness is investing in a network of healthy, positive, life-giving relationships. People who participate in religious activities have a built-in network for meaningful relationships. So, they automatically have a leg-up on the non-religious or the merely religious affiliated.

3. A Moral Framework for Virtues

Participation in religious activities encourages morally upright behavior. Morality is the substrate from which virtues rise. Virtues form the basis of character strengths. So, character strengths are grounded in a moral framework. Without a moral framework, it’s much more difficult to believe in and thus be motivated to pursue character strengths. Regularly engaging in activity that engages your strengths is another primary contributor to personal happiness. Religion offers a moral matrix in which to understand and evaluate your life. Without religion, there’s really no basis for morality. Secular humanists have attempted to promote a morality without religion, but none of their efforts has produced a coherent, convincing, and persistent system of morality. For humanists, it’s pretty much every person for themselves and that never ends well, morally.

4. Ultimate Happiness

Thomas Aquinas, a thirteenth-century Dominican friar, philosopher, and theologian referred to what I’m labeling Ultimate Happiness as Perfect Happiness. This Perfect Happiness consists of wholeness, healing, reconciliation with God, and a home in God’s Kingdom for eternity. Aquinas taught that imperfect happiness could be obtained now, through knowing Christ and practicing a virtuous, godly life, but perfect happiness was only possible in the resurrection, when Jesus returns to establish the fullness of the Kingdom and the renewal of all things to fulfill the ultimate plan of God for his creation.

This perfect happiness, or ultimate happiness, has been initiated by the resurrection and ascension of Jesus, so that we who hope in Christ know that ultimate happiness lies in the future. We have hope, even in the midst of the fallen world, which most of the time doesn’t share our values and often actively opposes God’s will. We can experience a foretaste of this ultimate happiness now, in the present, as we find meaning and purpose in life, love of and for God, and the love of and for our fellow humans. because religious people, Christians specifically, believe in ultimate happiness, hope exists, and hope is necessary for psychological well-being.

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Check out the video here on the Cultivate Happiness YouTube Channel.

A Lesson from the Holy Trinity

“Self-giving love is the Trinity's signature.” – Roderick Leupp

When John Wesley was young, an older, wiser man told him, “Sir, you wish to serve God and go to heaven? Remember you cannot serve him alone. You must therefore find companions or make them. The Bible knows nothing of solitary religion.”

Wesley took this lesson to heart. The Methodist Movement was built on small groups of Christians watching over one another in love. We’re not a merely a collection of individuals who happen to show up at the same building on Sunday mornings (or tune into the same livestream). We’re companions on the journey, a family of faith. We belong together; we’re bound for the purpose of worship, fellowship, and ministry. We’re a band of brothers and sisters who love God, love one another, and share God’s love with a world desperate for love.

This past Sunday was Trinity Sunday. God exists eternally as a loving communion of three persons in one godhead. We worship God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. We were created in the image of God. We’re persons made for loving relationships within the body of Christ, extending that love, just as it was extended to us, to a world in need of healing, hope, and a spiritual home.

May we receive, enjoy, and share the love of the Triune God.

Busting Happiness Myths

Everyone wants to be happy. If that’s the case, why are so many people unhappy, or at least not as happy as they’d like to be? One of the reasons is because they pursue happiness through the wrong means. They do things they think lead to happiness, joy, and contentement in, but those things fail to do so, or even worse, the activities in which they engage detract from the possibility of them developing lasting happiness.

5 HAPPINESS MYTHS

1. More Money will Make You Happy

This is one of the most prevalent myths of all, that having more money will automatically increase your happiness. Not true, at least not true once you’ve gained enough resources to meet your basic needs of food, clothing, shelter, and transportation. If you can’t afford one or more of those things, then you’ll not likely be happy. However, once those basic needs are secure, more income doesn’t increase your sense of life satisfaction, or happiness. 

Think about all the energy and effort people put into making more and more money. It’s mostly a waste of time. This is not to say you shouldn’t work hard and apply yourself at whatever profession you’ve chosen. Spending time engaging your talents and strengths at work is one way to enhance your happiness as you work toward the intrinsic goals of a job well done, making a difference in the lives of others, making a mark, or leaving a legacy. The extrinsic reward of cash just doesn’t have the power to produce happiness like these other intrinsic rewards. No, more money won’t make you happier.

2. As You Grow Older, Happiness Decreases

This is true to a point, but then it becomes less and less true. It turns out the Golden Years really are Golden Years. Researchers find that, in general, a person’s level of happiness decreases significantly from their twenties to their mid to late forties, but then a turn-around takes place and happiness begins to rise. Subjective well-being continues an upward slope as they grow into older adulthood. Again, this is generally speaking, but it’s based on a large body of research carried out over many years with tons of people. The Golden Years tend to be just that, the happiest years of one’s life. So, as you grow into elderhood, most people increase in happiness. Myth busted.

I’ll share in a later post of how to avoid the mid-life crisis, or at least minimize it. Both men and women tend to go through a mid-life slump, but you don’t have to. There are strategies to expand your happiness no matter what your age and life circumstances.

3. You Have a Happiness Set-Point that Doesn’t Change 

There’s research that suggests you have a set-point for happiness that doesn’t change much over your lifetime. Theorists refer to this as the “hedonic treadmill” or “hedonic adaptation,” which basically means you have a genetic set-point for happiness. Some are happier than others. Events and circumstances change and those changes affect your happiness, for either good or ill. However, over a relatively brief span of time, you return to your set-point that seems to be genetically determined. So much for the nature versus nurture debate. Actually, the debate rages on.

As more and more researchers delve into this, they’ve discovered that genetics is only part of the picture. There is quite a bit you can do to increase your level of happiness and maintain those gains over the long-haul. While you might have a genetic tendency toward a particular level of psychological well-being, you can can manipulate that tendency over time and increase your happiness through optimal mental, emotional, and physical practices. The science of Positive Psychology has made great strides helping people grow their sense of well-being. They’re discovering truths that people of the Christian faith have known for millenia, such as the truth that moving the focus off you and onto making a difference in the lives of others grows one’s sense of joy and contentment.

4. God Doesn’t Care if You’re Happy

To hear some people speak about God and happiness, you might get the impression that God actually opposes your happiness. That, in order to be godly, or holy, or grow spiritually, you must become less happy, more miserable. There are some unhealthy spiritual approaches out there.

God does care if you’re happy. He desires your happiness. Jesus said he came that his followers might have an abundant life, a life of meaning and purpose, in short a happy life. The entire Psalter, that’s the collection of 150 Psalms in the Old Testament, begins with a prescription for blessedness, also translated as happiness. God desires a flourishing, productive, meaningful life for every human being. 

To be sure, we all fall into the trap of destructive decisions, of looking for happiness in all the wrong places. God will forgive us of our sins and set us on the path to true and lasting happiness and contentment. God wants us to be happy and he’s provided the means to be happy. I’m grateful for researchers who’ve turned their attention to optimal human functioning. They’re doing the work of the Lord, whether they realize it or not. God wants us to have healthy relationships, use our talents to make a difference, adopt an optimistic worldview, grow our gratitude, and develop personal virtues. Does God care if you’re happy? Yes, and he’s provided the means. 

5. Pursuing Happiness is Selfish

The pursuit of any good can be selfish. Some pursue what they think will give them happiness and neglect other people in the process. However, a selfishly focussed pursuit of happiness always disappoints.

Pursuing happiness doesn’t need to be selfish. The means to happiness involves turning your attention outward in order to serve your fellow human beings. Relationships are key to happiness and the only way to be develop healthy relationships is to invest in the lives of others. Narcissists tend not to have healthy relationships and find happiness illusive. The best thing you can say to a narcissist is “If you want to be happy, you’re must move the focus off yourself and onto others, your relationships, and finding meaning in service, basically, becoming a better human being.”

Developing happiness entails developing virtues. Not virtue-signaling. Virtue signaling is almost the opposite of virtuous. Cultivating moral character contributes to your happiness and that means you can’t live selfishly. Jesus calls his followers to deny the self, take up one’s cross, and follow him. This is the opposite of selfish and leads to the most deeply satisfying, happy life one can imagine. This happiness isn’t only for after you die, like bliss is something reserved for heaven. Jesus calls us to bring heaven and earth together. That leads to happiness for you and for those in your realm of influence. To pursue happiness rightly is to pursue a life that makes a difference in the lives of others.

These are five happiness myths. There are others. In future posts I’ll address more. In the meantime, thanks for reading and I hope you have a happy, blessed day.

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Check out the video version here.

How to Make Happiness Work for You

In my last post I wrote that happiness is hard work. It is. So, today I’m going to share with you how to work hard to make happiness work for you and in you and even, dare I say, through you!

First, I want to start out with this amazing quote from Dr. Martin Seligman. He carried out tons of groundbreaking work on a newish field of Psychology that studies human flourishing, called Positive Psychology. Seligman wrote

“The belief that we can rely on shortcuts to happiness, joy, rapture, comfort, and ecstasy, rather than be entitled to these feelings by the exercise of personal strengths and virtues, leads to legions of people who in the middle of great wealth are starving spiritually.” 

That’s powerful. Many people believe happiness is just something that’s owed to them, it’s in the Declaration of Indepence after all??!? Isn’t it one of those unalienable rights God gives us? No, but according to Jefferson and others, the “pursuit of happiness” is. You’re free to pursue happiness. You’re not guaranteed happiness. To make happiness work for you, you’re going to have to work for it. It’s not automatic. There are no shortcuts.

Here are three ways to pursue happiness:

1. Simply Your Life

Madison Avenue is paid billons each year to convince you that your life is lacking, your life is missing something, your life can never be complete unless and until you purchase their clients’ products or services. They used to be limited to newspapers, magazines, radio, television, and billboards. Those were the primary conduits of the consumer culture. But now we carry these marketing machines around in our pockets.  We have tablets, we use computers every day for hours on end, and Madison Avenue, and now Silicon Valley ingeniously tracks you in order to sell you. So many distractions, so many messages about what you must have in order to be happy. It’s mind bogglingly complex. When life gets cluttered with things and messages about more things it grows increasingly challenging to just be. Just be happy. Just be content. Just be human, not the consumer robot the world wants to convert you into being.

The first strategy to make happiness work for you is to simplify your life and focus more on what’s going on on the inside. Turn off the phone. Put away the tablet. Close the computer. Shut down the streaming service. Relax. Pray. Get in touch with God. Invest in relationships. Chill. Actually, these can all be strategies in and of themselves, but as long as your brain is inundated with messages telling you you can’t be happy without that next widget, then it’s going to be difficult to work on happiness. So, simplify.

 2. Pursue Your Strengths

Self-awareness is generally a good thing. Learning about your talents and “potential strengths” is a good way to understand what makes you tick and what strengths to pursue. Strengths are associated with virtues. To develop strengths, you develop virtue. I posted video and blog post not too long ago on the subject of virtues, check it out. A happy life is a virtuous life, a life in pursuit of the good. A good life is a GOOD life, a life that makes the world a better place, a life that grows in goodness and godliness. Learning about how God wired you is one of the ways you can work with happiness to produce more happiness in and through your life. 

There are two main places to go to discover your strengths. One is the popular Clifton StrengthsFinder which you can purchase through the Gallup organization. This assessment is great for thinking about how your talents and strengths manifest in the workplace. The other, is the VIA Character Strengths Test through the Authentic Happiness website of the University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology Center. This test is free. There are a ton of other questionnaires on the UPenn site that can help you understand where you are and even track your progress toward subjective well-being, as the psychologists like to call it.  By the way, I’m not selling anything. These are resources I’ve personally used in my life and in coaching others to grow their sense of happiness and well-being.

3. Invest in Others

Invest in others. That’s the third way to pursue happiness. When you invest in the lives and happiness of others, it helps you cultivate your personal happiness. You anticipate your own happiness by putting it to work in the lives of others. One of the major detractors from happiness is an unhealthy focus on your self. Sometimes we call it naval-gazing or self-absorption, or even narcissism. In our consumer culture, we’re taught this way of being. “Have it your way. It’s all about you. You deserve the best. You, you, you.” A me-focussed life is counter-productive. It’s a way to pursue happiness that never works. Actually, the me-focussed life is always guaranteed to produce the opposite of happiness. It’s one of the great challenges of modern life. When you’re taught from childhood the world revolves around you, and then you experience real life, reality teaches some hard lessons. The sooner you learn the lesson, the better off you’ll be, that you’re not the center of the universe. One of the key tenets of the Christian faith is that of self-sacrifice. The path to happiness and wholeness, the way to the blessed life is to be a blessing to others. 

So, do it. Volunteer. Get involved. Serve through your church. Find an organization that’s making a difference for the least, the last, and the lost, and join them in that work.

President John F. Kennedy got it so right! “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.” Yes! Get the focus off you and start making other people’s lives better. You’ll be amazed as to how that transformation of perspective helps form and maintain happiness.

Okay, that’s three. When I started working on this post, I was going to share five ways, so I think I need another to fill out the rest. Check back soon for more ways to put happiness to work in your life.

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Check out the Video Version of this post.

Does God Care If You're Happy?

Does God care if you’re happy? Looking around the interwebs I find tons of secular resources on happiness. We need more Christian voices out here. The problem is that when the topic of happiness comes up, lots of Christians believe happiness and godliness don’t go together. Why the disconnect between happiness and the Christian life? Perhaps it’s a reaction against the individualistic and self-centered nature of contemporary culture. Whatever the reason, much anti-happiness rhetoric comes forth from Christian sources.

I recently read in a devotional the statement,  “God’s gift isn’t superficial or temporal happiness.” I agree, true happiness isn’t superficial, it runs deeper. However, I strongly disagree with the idea that God’s not concerned about our temporal happiness. That means happiness right now, in the state we’re in prior to the return of Christ and the fullness of the Kingdom. No doubt God wants you to be happy and joyful in eternity, but that doesn’t mean he does not care about your happiness right now. He cares.

God cares because he loves you and wants you to live a deeply fulfilling, meaningful, flourishing life. Also, I believe sour puss Christians just aren’t good witnesses for Christ. So Christians ought to be happy and actively pursuing happiness.

I’ve seen multiple sermons titled: “God Doesn’t Care about Your Happiness.” or something close to this. On a Christian Blog I read a post titled: “Why God Doesn’t Care if You’re Happy.” That’s really a weird thing to say, when you think about it. Jesus says our earthly fathers want to give us good things. If our earthly fathers, who are far from perfect, want to give us good things, then how much more does our heavenly Father give good to those who ask? God wants to fill your life with goodness.

Healthy earthly fathers who love their children want them to be happy, even if they don’t fully understand happiness. How much more does the Heavenly Father who knows you better than you know yourself, desire your happiness?

When I look for resources pertaining to the flourishing life and how to live it, I find all kinds of material in secular sources like University of Pennsylvania, Yale, and many private organizations sharing help from Positive Psychology and philosophy about happiness and human flourishing. There are very few, however, talking about the spiritual aspects of emotional well-being or the religious background of Positive Psychology. There is a religious background, by the way. It’s a rich history.

All truth is God’s truth. The discoveries of Positive Psychology are what the Bible has taught for millennia. The flourishing life, the abundant life, what we often refer to as happiness, is an important subject in the Scriptures. That’s why it puzzles me when Christians say things like “God doesn’t care about your happiness.” I believe this is a false statement, one that leads people to a less-than life, a life with less joy, less meaning, less fulfillment than God intends for his children.

One of the main reasons Christians say, “God doesn’t care about your happiness, but he does care about your holiness” is that many fail to understand the proper definition of the words happiness and holiness. Christians are apt to make this error because much of what passes for “happiness” in popular culture is vacuous. So many pursue happiness poorly, ending in less-than happy, less than meaningful and fulfilling lives.  Often what our Western, radically individualistic, self-centered culture holds up as happiness has no hope of empowering people to actually live happy lives.

Pastors, preachers, and Bible teachers are often reacting against a misinterpretation of happiness and avoid the topic altogether, or they hold up a straw man argument only to knock it down, not realizing they’re missing God’s good intention for happiness, wholeness, peace, joy, and love that God desires for people of faith.

So, let me get back to my original question: Does God Care If You’re Happy? Yes. God cares if you’re happy. As a matter of fact, God wants you to be happy. The whole of the Scriptures point to this truth, that happiness is the desirable state of humanity. Because of the Fall, human rebellion, and brokenness, happiness became illusive as human affections and desires have been twisted and misaimed. This doesn’t change God’s original intention. You can discover and live happiness through grace. You were created to know and experience a flourishing life, the absolute best life you can live, and God, indeed, wants that life for you.

There are an abundance of places in Scripture where we see this played out in the narrative, but I want to just point out one for you here, and it comes from the words of Jesus, himself. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep” (John 10:10-11 ESV). Jesus presents himself as the Good Shepherd, picking up on Old Testament imagery of God as the Shepherd and God’s people as the sheep, think Psalm 23, “The Lord is my shepherd…”

The word translated as “abundantly” could also be translated as “over and above,” “extraordinary,” or “greater.” Jesus says he came that you might have greater life, an extraordinary life, an abundant life. God desires your life to be full, meaningful, blessed, and flourishing. God offers more than mere survival. He created you to thrive.

Does God care if you’re happy? Yes. He cares and he’s intervened in on your behalf to offer this life through Christ. 

In later posts I’ll tackle just exactly what is true happiness according to Scripture. I’ll deal with the question, “Knowing God wants you to be happy is it sinful to be unhappy?” There are more questions and angles from which to understand this happy, blessed, fulfilling life God desires for you and how you can live it now and into eternity.

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A video version of this post is here.

Bible Reading 101

The beginning of a new year is a good time to start a new, healthy habit. Daily Bible Reading is as good a habit as any, so here are some helpful tips in starting and maintaining daily Scripture reading.

Three Tips to Get Started Consistently Reading God’s Word

1. Make a Plan

It’s always good when you’re setting out to start a new habit, or revive an old one, to make a plan. Like the old saying, “If you fail to plan you plan to fail.” Jesus said it like this in Luke 14:28:

“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?” Luke 14:28 (NIV)

Jesus was talking about considering the cost of discipleship, but the principle applies to starting a new, godly habit. If you’re going to be successful, you’ll want to make a plan.

We’re talking about starting the habit of reading God’s Word, daily, so you need to plan the medium you want to read. A physical Bible? On your computer? A phone or tablet app?

Plan that. Download the app. Get a new Bible.

Then, choose how you’re going to read it. Are you simply going to read from Genesis to Revelation? Are you going to use a Bible Reading Plan?

A simple plan is what I call the 3/5 plan. Read three chapters a day and five on Sundays, you’ll read through the Bible in a year.

Another way to do it is count the number of pages in your Bible. Mine has 1,042. If I divide that by 365 I get 2.85 pages per day. Well, it’s hard to figure out the 0.85 pages, so read three pages a day and you’ll get through it in a less than a year.

Here are a couple of resources that are super helpful to keep you on track.

Bible.com

This website is produced by the same people who publish the YouVersion Bible App for your smartphone or tablet. You can sign up for a free account and it will track across all your devices. It’s an incredible gift to Christians around the world. The app has been downloaded onto 455 Million unique devices around the world. There are dozens of English translations, there are dozens of different reading plans.

I highly, highly recommend you check out this app and website. It’s great! I thank God for the folks at Life Church out of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, for sharing these wonderful resources.

Another website and app that I find helpful:

DailyOffice2019.com

This is a wonderful site that also has free apps for your smartphone and tablet. It follows the Daily Office Lectionary and daily prayers from the new Book of Common Prayer, the 2019 version produced for the Anglican Church in North America. I’ve used the Daily Office Lectionary for many, many years for my daily devotions and Bible Reading. It’s the pattern John Wesley followed. I figured if it was good enough for him, it’s good enough for me. The Daily Office offers a one-year cycle of readings that can be adapted to a two-year cycle. In one cycle, the Old Testament is read once each year (with a few short passages left out here and there). The Gospels, Acts, and Epistles are read in their entirety twice in a year and the Revelation of John is read once. The Psalms are read on a thirty or sixty day cycle according to your preference. For millennia, the Psalms have provided the backbone of prayer for the people of God. When you pray with the Psalms, you’re in good company.

However you choose to plan to read the Bible, let me encourage you to plan to read the whole Bible with a systematic approach. You want a plan that takes you through the entirety of the Scripture in a set amount of time, whether that’s ninety days, one year, two years, or three years. Whatever you choose to do, choose to take in the whole counsel of God.

Here are a couple of other things that will help you build this new habit: A. Choose a time of day and keep it consistent. B. Choose a place and keep it consistent. When I first started reading the Bible seriously, I read it at night, right before bed. Some people find early mornings work best. If you have small children and home, you might have to get creative. But keeping a consistent time and place will go miles toward helping you build a habit that sticks.

2. Share Your Plan

You don’t need to announce it to the world, but an accountability partner or small group can be a helpful way to keep on track. Invite them to hold you accountable to your plan. This is a big, important step in your spiritual maturity, don’t keep it to yourself. Share your plan with someone. If you’re married, your spouse can help remind you. They might even start to see the change God brings about in your heart and life because you’re giving him the opportunity to produce the fruit of discipleship in your life. 

“Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17 (CSB)

Almost anything you do in life that’s going to improve your life requires the assistance of others. Accountability is one of the bedrock principles of Methodism because it works. Share your plan. It will help you keep on track.

3. Work Your Plan

This is the Nike step. Just do it. As they say, “Plan your work and work your plan.” In the words of that great philosopher-poet, Larry the Cable Guy, “Git ‘r done.”

When’s the next best time to start reading your Bible? Right now. Today. Make your plan. Share your plan. Work your plan. Those words aren’t going to read themselves.

What do you do when you forget to read or you don’t prioritize it one day? The temptation is to beat yourself up and quit. Do not do that! Nearly every person starting to read the Bible daily will find that this new habit begins with fits and starts. It’s not easy to develop a new, healthy habit. But it’s worth it. You won’t be perfect. You’ll have a bad day here and there. You’re going to be tempted to quit. This is the one personal spiritual discipline, yes it’s a discipline, that will make the biggest difference in your life. Regular, systematic, Bible intake combined with faithful worship attendance are huge keys to building spiritual maturity. The Devil does not want you to do it. He’ll throw up every road block he can imagine to keep you from experiencing the fruit of discipleship in your life. Just remember: God is with you!

“No temptation has seized you that isn’t common for people. But God is faithful. He won’t allow you to be tempted beyond your abilities. Instead, with the temptation, God will also supply a way out so that you will be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 (CEB)

Reading the Bible’s like learning how to ride a bicycle. You’re going to fall off. Get right back on and give it another shot. You’ll be so thankful you did and this new holy habit will position you to experience the kind of flourishing, Spirit-led, grace-filled life you’ve always wanted to live.

Make your plan. Share your plan. Work your plan.

Hang in there. Don’t give up if you miss a day here and there. You’ll reap the rewards God wants to produce in your life if you’ll be faithful in reading your Bible.

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The Video Version of this post: Here.

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