There is soooo much misinformation out there about happiness. I could probably write a dozen busting happiness myths posts. Happiness is misunderstood, both what it is and how to get there.
In an earlier post I wrote about five happiness myths. You can check it out here to catch up. In this post, I share two more happiness myths.
Every single person wants to be happy. Living a meaningful, flourishing life motivates all your actions. Sadly, it seems that so many miss the mark and live far less than happy, sometimes even miserable lives. I’ve always been puzzled by this. If we’re all driven to happiness, why do so many engage in activities and attitudes that sabatoge their psychological well-being? Well, that’s a big question with lots of different ways to try to answer it. Happiness myths contribute to the problem. These are widely-held, but false, beliefs concerning what causes happiness.
If you want to be happy, (if you’re breathing, you do!) then you’ll want to understand and avoid the following Happiness Myths:
Myth 6: “I’ll be happy when…”
I refer to this as the “If/Then Fallacy.” The If/Then Fallacy teaches that if some set of outward circumstance changes, then you’ll be happy. The emphasis is on the outward circumstances. A lot of things fit into this fallacy. Other myths tie in also, such as “If I make x number of dollars, then I’ll be happy.” Poverty is definitely a drag on happiness, but earning a higher income or getting more stuff won’t help with happiness if you’re not impoverished. There’s plenty of evidence that a brief uptick in positive emotions does occur when you acquire a new physical belonging, but it’s temporary. Then, what if you paid for this new widget with a credit card simply to get that quick boost in mood? When the bill comes due, your psychological well-being can take a hit because of debt and the challenges that come with it.
Other expressions of the If/Then Fallacy go like this: If I get married, then I’ll be happy. If we have kids, then we’ll be happy. If I get that promotion, then I’ll be happy. If I had a bigger house… on and on and on, the cycle never ends and happiness remains ever illusive.
Happiness has more to do with your mindset and thought patterns than outward circumstance, no matter how good of bad those circumstances. Environmental conditions contribute to happiness, but your inner thought-life and attitude makes the biggest difference and can override even disastrously negative circumstances to contribute to long-term psychological well-being.
Myth 7: Someone owes you happiness.
I want to preface this with a word about the importance of our responsibility to our fellow human beings. No person is an island. We’re individuals, but we’re connected. The pandemic is teaching us the hard way. We share so much of our lives, including the air we breath! We’re connected. What I do or do not do affects more than me. The attitudes I choose to adopt, the outlook I choose to communicate, the kind of work I do, all my choices affect others. We’re not alone. We depend on each other, and obviously others depend on us. So, we owe it to each another to be the best kind of people we can be.
Having said that, however, believing someone else is responsible for happiness in your life is a losing proposition. Healthy, positive relationships are vital for psychological well-being, but happiness is more than a give and take and you’re ultimately responsible for your personal happiness.
Think about God. He created you to be happy. Jesus said he came to offer you abundant life (John 10:10). But you have to receive it. You have to apply Jesus’ teachings to your life. God loves you more than anyone and desires your happiness, but he’s not going to make you happy. Happiness is up to you. So, if God, who can do anything, isn’t responsible for your happiness, then neither is your significant other, or your boss, or co-worker, or neighbor, or friend, or child. Please, don’t try to set your children up to be responsible for your happiness.
No one owes you happiness. They do owe you to treat you with dignity. They owe you to live within healthy boundaries. They ought to treat you with respect. But, they don’t owe you happiness. Here’s a little secret: They can’t give you happiness, anyway, even if they wanted to make you happy. Frankly, that’s where boundaries get crossed and happiness proves even more elusive. When we blur boundaries between where you begin and another person ends and just who is responsible for what in a relationship, happiness flees.
The flip side of this, of course, is you’re not responsible for someone else’s happiness. You love those persons who are closest in your life, you want them to be happy, you want to do what you can do to contribute to their happiness, but you can’t make them happy. Only they can make them happy. Period.
Happiness, or the flourishing life, or psychological well-being is worth pursuing. When you’re happy you’ll contribute more to a happy world. God created you to be happy and he’s given you free will and the inspiration to make healthy, happy choices to experience the life you’ve always wanted to live, a happy, fulfilling, contributing life.
My next post will be “Myths: God Version.” What are some of the myths about God and his plan for happiness (or the opposite) that keep people from experiencing the flourishing life? Stay tuned for more.
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