Chris Howlett

Flying the Unfriendly Skies: Narcissism at 30,000 Ft.

The pandemic revealed a lot about our society. The whole academic discipline of Public Health needs a makeover. Hopefully, when we’re finally past this thing and can examine what was done, wasn’t done, and how information was communicated, positive progress can be made in the field. 

One thing that’s also been brought into sharp relief is the amount of narcissism in our culture. Along with all the good things we’ve seen, and we have seen much good come out of this: neighbors caring for neighbors, ingenuity in business, government, and faith communities. There have been many blessings. But, narcissism was on full display. Remember the toilet paper debacle? Lord help us!

A recent news account reports that airlines are reaching out to the government to prosecute folks who’ve proven disruptive on flights. There’s a crisis in the skies. Airlines reported about 3,000 cases of disruptive passengers so far in 2021. We’re not even halfway through the year!

Over the past decade, the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) investigated about 140 cases a year for possible enforcement actions such as fines. This year, it was nearly 400 by late May.

Despite the FAA's efforts, Airlines for America, a trade association and lobbying group, continues "to see onboard behavior deteriorating into heinous acts, including assaults, threats and intimidation of crew members that directly interfere with the performance of crew member duties and jeopardize the safety and security of everyone onboard the aircraft," adding that "incidents continue and appear to be intensifying."

They’re asking the FAA to forward cases to the Department of Justice so perpetrators can be prosecuted and help publicize the FAA’s new Zero Tolerance Policy. Airlines in the United States have banned 3,000 passengers since May of last year. However, this number’s low because American Airlines and Southwest Airlines decline to share their statistics.

Some security experts believe the mask requirement is a big sore spot with passengers and if you remove the mask requirement, you’ll eliminate a major source of the problem.

Perhaps, but, the source of the problem is not the mask requirement. The source of the problem is people. People are selfish. Most of us are able to keep control of our narcissism and avoid creating a scene when we’re upset. We know how to keep it together in civil society. An increasing number, sadly, are allowing their sense of personal entitlement get the best of them.

Very few people I know enjoy flying. It’s a pain. You know what I don’t like about flying? The seat sizes. Americans are getting bigger and airplane seats are getting smaller. You know what else I don’t like? I hate getting on an airplane and all the overhead space is taken. Here I am in row twenty and some bum in row seven came all the way back and put stuff in my overhead compartment before I ever boarded the plane. I’m guessing it makes a lot of people mad. There have  probably been fights over that, too. The only good thing about flying is you get to where you’re going faster. That’s it. There’s nothing good about flying unless you’re in First Class, then those little towels they give you are nice and the food is better.

Guess what?! The vast majority of people are capable of putting up with some inconvenience and get over it. Yes, at this point, the mask mandate probably isn’t logical, but so what?! Wear your mask. Get over it. Grow up. Let’s be adults and get through this experience so we can get on with our lives on the other side of this flight.

Okay. That’s my rant. A few narcissists are making life miserable for a lot of people. Please stop. You will actually enjoy your own life much more if you stop terrorizing other people with your whining.

Of all the Happiness blockers, narcissism may be the most influential. Narcissism keeps you thinking the world revolves around you, that every person in your life is here to make your life better, especially service staff like flight attendants or servers in restaurants. Narcissism not only blocks your happiness, but it infringes on the happiness of others. When you realize you’re not the only person who matters, your life can be a blessing to others. When you realize that relationships are two-way streets, your life grows much easier and more fulfilling. 

So, let’s all take a deep breath. If you’re flying, just get ready for an uncomfortable, but temporary experience, get through it, and everyone will be happier when we hear those words we’ve been waiting for: “Buh-bye.”

 

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Video version on the Cultivate Happiness YouTube Channel: https://youtu.be/a7bfnrBPIB8

Comic Book graphic by dcim-studio: https://www.freepik.com/free-photos-vectors/book

More Religious = More Happy??

Does religious participation make you happier? How does religion affect happiness? 

First of all, I must confess: I used the “Religion vs. Relationship” trope years ago in a series of sermons at Christ Church United Methodist in Lexington, KY. I was wrong to use these words in that way. I would have been better off using “Legalism or Legalistic” versus the faith that Jesus came to nature in his followers, rather than “Religion vs. Relationship.”

The way the religion vs. relationship duality usually goes is: the Pharisees were religious but Jesus offers a relationship. Both are true, but they’re also misleading. The Pharisees believed in a relationship with God and Jesus believed religion was a good thing. He was, after all, a religious Jew who faithfully, dare I say, religiously, participated in the religious life of the synagogue and on pilgrimage to Jerusalem to join in religious rituals at the Temple. The big conflict between the Pharisees and Jesus was not religion vs. relationship, but who gets to be included in the “In-Group.” Who’s worth saving? And, what is the role and purpose of the people of God in the world. There were huge differences between Jesus and the religious leaders of his day, but it really had nothing to do with the juxtaposition of religion and relationship.

Another false dichotomy is the supposed difference between spiritual and religious. You’ve probably heard someone say, “I’m spiritual but not religious.” This means they see themselves as a spiritual being with a spirituality but they’re averse to organized religion. From what I’ve seen, read, and heard, spirituality without religion is a whole lot like a baseball player without a team. You might have a ball, a bat, and a glove, but your baseball’s not going to be real useful without other people. There really is no such thing as a meaningful spirituality outside of religion. I’m developing a series of sermons titled, “Spiritual and Religious.”

Religion is good. It refers to something productive and beneficial in society and in a person’s life. Religion offers a theoretical framework, or beliefs, to comprehend ultimate reality, a practical expression through religious gatherings and actions, and sociological structures through which the religious group relates to the broader social construct. 

Does religious participation make you happier?

Yes, according to Dr. William Sander of DePaul University, who carried out a meta-study of studies. He states: “Participation in religious activities is positively associated with higher levels of happiness.” 

What these studies reveal again and again is that religious participation, not just mere affiliation, is positively associated with happiness.

You can break down the population into three broad categories: Non-Religious; Religious Affiliation; Religious Participation. The non-religious are least happy. Those with some religious affiliation are happier. Those who regularly participate in religious activities are the happiest.

Why does religious participation contribute to happiness? There are four big reasons:

1. Meaning/Purpose of Life

If you think your life has meaning, if you believe your life serves a higher purpose, then you are much more likely to be happy. If on the other hand life has no meaning outside of the propagation of DNA, then happiness will prove illusive. If all life is only a random conglomeration of molecules, then there is no higher purpose of meaning to your life or anyone else’s life, for that matter. Religion offers a framework for understanding the meaning and purpose of your life, which leads to a deeper sense of happiness.

2. Relational Connection

One of the primary causes of happiness is investing in a network of healthy, positive, life-giving relationships. People who participate in religious activities have a built-in network for meaningful relationships. So, they automatically have a leg-up on the non-religious or the merely religious affiliated.

3. A Moral Framework for Virtues

Participation in religious activities encourages morally upright behavior. Morality is the substrate from which virtues rise. Virtues form the basis of character strengths. So, character strengths are grounded in a moral framework. Without a moral framework, it’s much more difficult to believe in and thus be motivated to pursue character strengths. Regularly engaging in activity that engages your strengths is another primary contributor to personal happiness. Religion offers a moral matrix in which to understand and evaluate your life. Without religion, there’s really no basis for morality. Secular humanists have attempted to promote a morality without religion, but none of their efforts has produced a coherent, convincing, and persistent system of morality. For humanists, it’s pretty much every person for themselves and that never ends well, morally.

4. Ultimate Happiness

Thomas Aquinas, a thirteenth-century Dominican friar, philosopher, and theologian referred to what I’m labeling Ultimate Happiness as Perfect Happiness. This Perfect Happiness consists of wholeness, healing, reconciliation with God, and a home in God’s Kingdom for eternity. Aquinas taught that imperfect happiness could be obtained now, through knowing Christ and practicing a virtuous, godly life, but perfect happiness was only possible in the resurrection, when Jesus returns to establish the fullness of the Kingdom and the renewal of all things to fulfill the ultimate plan of God for his creation.

This perfect happiness, or ultimate happiness, has been initiated by the resurrection and ascension of Jesus, so that we who hope in Christ know that ultimate happiness lies in the future. We have hope, even in the midst of the fallen world, which most of the time doesn’t share our values and often actively opposes God’s will. We can experience a foretaste of this ultimate happiness now, in the present, as we find meaning and purpose in life, love of and for God, and the love of and for our fellow humans. because religious people, Christians specifically, believe in ultimate happiness, hope exists, and hope is necessary for psychological well-being.

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Check out the video here on the Cultivate Happiness YouTube Channel.

Less Screen - More Happy

Every time a new technology comes along, people freak out. They imagine all the potential ways this new technology can hurt them. We’ve been doing this for a long time.

When the printing press was invented and books became widely available for the first time, people feared this invention because they thought it might lead to information overload and the public would suffer with the confusing and harmful abundance of books.

The New York Times attacked Alexander Graham Bell’s telephone in 1877 for its invasion of privacy. Mark Twain was an early adopter of the telephone but he had declined to invest in the new technology, thinking there was no widespread market for it.

When electricity made it into homes, President Benjamin Harrison had White House staff turn the lights on and off because he was scared of being electrocuted.

When radio was invented, oh my goodness! There are electric waves flowing through the air!

This isn’t a fear of, but a massive underestimation of a new technology: “Television won’t be able to hold on to any market it captures after the first six months. People will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night.” – Darryl Zanuck, CEO, 20^th Century Fox, 1946

Not too long ago people warned that cell phones would cause a massive outbreak of brain cancer because of the energy emanating from cell phones in the form of RF, or radio frequency waves. Lots of studies have been conducted, and, as a statement from the American Cancer Society demonstrates, there’s really no link between cell phones and cancer: “In summary, studies of [the effects of cell phone energy on people] published so far have not established a clear link between cell phone use and the development of tumors.” 

Here’s something, however, this is harmful about cell phone use, at least smart phones:

While having tremendous benefits almost too numerous to list, there is a major drawback to smart phones: the more time you spend looking at a screen, the less happy you will be. To state that positively, less screen = more happy.

These little devices can be so addictive! I own an iPhone 12 Pro. I really like it. It’s wonderful. I enjoy the screen, it has great reception, it’s super fast, the camera is amazing. I’m into technology. I also own a 2020 iPad and a new M1 MacBook Pro that’s the boss. I’m no Luddite.

What’s a Luddite? Glad you asked: “Luddite: (derogatory) a person opposed to new technology or ways of working.”

The term goes back to nineteenth century England. A radical group of textile workers took their name from a man named Ned Ludd, who was a weaver. They opposed the introduction of machines that they feared would replace their jobs. A major conflict arose that led to a rebellion that was ultimately suppressed by police and  the military. The term Luddite came to be used as a derogatory designation for a person who opposes the use of technology for whatever reason.

So, I’m not a Luddite. I quite enjoy new technology, even at times, just for new technology’s sake. I’m a true child of modernity.

Having said all of that, however, it’s obvious and measurable that less time on your smartphone, or iPad, or even computer, can contribute to your happiness, or psychological well-being.

Let’s jump into some statistics: A study published by the American Psychological Association in 2018 links increased screen time with lower levels of psychological well-being among adolescents. Those who spend less time in electronic communication were happier. As a teenager spends more time on screens, they decrease their happiness. Another study linked time spent online with less happiness.

Dr. Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University wrote a book titled, iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids are Growing up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy–and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood. She labels this new generation of young people iGen, obviously taken from the iPhone, iPad, etc. This is the Internet Generation.

She and her colleagues discovered that high school seniors spend, on average: 2 1/4 hours per day texting, 2 hours per day on the internet, 1 1/2 hours per day electronic gaming, and about a half hour on video chat. That’s a total of six hours a day, or 42 hours per week, or a full-time job tethered to a screen. Eighth graders, on average, spend 5 hours per day or 35 hours per week on screens. That’s a lot of time.

As young people spend all this time on smartphones, they’re spending less time reading books, less time reading magazines and newspapers, they’re also watching less television, which is probably a good thing, but the problem is they also spend far less time in face-to-face conversation with actual human beings.

Twenge demonstrates that from the 1990s, teens had been tracking upward in the percentage of those who considered themselves “very happy.” However, since 2011, that percentage has sharply declined. Along with this decline, the number of twelfth graders who are satisfied with their lives as a whole and with themselves has  declined even more sharply. During the same period, since 2011, the percentage of teens who feel lonely “a lot of the time” has sharply increased.

Guess what happened in 2011? That’s when we looked up from our own phones are realized just about everyone around us has a phone in his or her hands.

It’s a really destructive formula: More screen time + less in-person social interaction + less physical activity = more loneliness + less happiness + more anxiety + more depression.

Adults aren’t out of the woods. They, too, are spending a disproportionate amount of time on their phones. The typical adult spends around 4 hours per day on screen time. That’s 28 hours per week.

I find it amazing that as technology companies like FaceBook, Twitter, Google, and Apple dream up new ways to keep us glued to our screens, the executives in this industry admit they limit screen time for their own children. They’re busy selling you on how great it is to spend time on your phone or tablet while at they guard their own children from the deleterious effects of screen time.

Here are some tips for limiting screen time so you can spend more time maximizing happiness. We all need to develop structures and habits in your life to limit screen time.

Make a phone garage, a place to put your phone when you want to separate yourself from it so you can focus on other, more productive things, like relationships or reading.

When out with your friends, put your phone on airplane mode. It’s a great way to make sure you’re not getting buzzed with notifications when with your friends. You can still use your phone for taking pictures, etc. but it won’t be a distraction during conversations.

Get a hobby that doesn’t include your phone. The options are limitless. What do you enjoy? What are you good at? How can you tap into your creativity? Doing so might expose you to a greater circle of acquaintances and potential friendships.

Block out time on your schedule for phone-free study or focus or whatever keeps your attention. Take time for activities and adventures that prove more life-giving than simply staring at the latest fashion on Instagram or the silly video on Tik Tok.

There’s a great big world outside your phone. Phones are terrific tools for communication but they’re lousy masters.

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Check out the Video Version Here: Cultivate Happiness YouTube Channel

A Lesson from the Holy Trinity

“Self-giving love is the Trinity's signature.” – Roderick Leupp

When John Wesley was young, an older, wiser man told him, “Sir, you wish to serve God and go to heaven? Remember you cannot serve him alone. You must therefore find companions or make them. The Bible knows nothing of solitary religion.”

Wesley took this lesson to heart. The Methodist Movement was built on small groups of Christians watching over one another in love. We’re not a merely a collection of individuals who happen to show up at the same building on Sunday mornings (or tune into the same livestream). We’re companions on the journey, a family of faith. We belong together; we’re bound for the purpose of worship, fellowship, and ministry. We’re a band of brothers and sisters who love God, love one another, and share God’s love with a world desperate for love.

This past Sunday was Trinity Sunday. God exists eternally as a loving communion of three persons in one godhead. We worship God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. We were created in the image of God. We’re persons made for loving relationships within the body of Christ, extending that love, just as it was extended to us, to a world in need of healing, hope, and a spiritual home.

May we receive, enjoy, and share the love of the Triune God.