Everyone wants to be happy. If that’s the case, why are so many people unhappy, or at least not as happy as they’d like to be? One of the reasons is because they pursue happiness through the wrong means. They do things they think lead to happiness, joy, and contentement in, but those things fail to do so, or even worse, the activities in which they engage detract from the possibility of them developing lasting happiness.
5 HAPPINESS MYTHS
1. More Money will Make You Happy
This is one of the most prevalent myths of all, that having more money will automatically increase your happiness. Not true, at least not true once you’ve gained enough resources to meet your basic needs of food, clothing, shelter, and transportation. If you can’t afford one or more of those things, then you’ll not likely be happy. However, once those basic needs are secure, more income doesn’t increase your sense of life satisfaction, or happiness.
Think about all the energy and effort people put into making more and more money. It’s mostly a waste of time. This is not to say you shouldn’t work hard and apply yourself at whatever profession you’ve chosen. Spending time engaging your talents and strengths at work is one way to enhance your happiness as you work toward the intrinsic goals of a job well done, making a difference in the lives of others, making a mark, or leaving a legacy. The extrinsic reward of cash just doesn’t have the power to produce happiness like these other intrinsic rewards. No, more money won’t make you happier.
2. As You Grow Older, Happiness Decreases
This is true to a point, but then it becomes less and less true. It turns out the Golden Years really are Golden Years. Researchers find that, in general, a person’s level of happiness decreases significantly from their twenties to their mid to late forties, but then a turn-around takes place and happiness begins to rise. Subjective well-being continues an upward slope as they grow into older adulthood. Again, this is generally speaking, but it’s based on a large body of research carried out over many years with tons of people. The Golden Years tend to be just that, the happiest years of one’s life. So, as you grow into elderhood, most people increase in happiness. Myth busted.
I’ll share in a later post of how to avoid the mid-life crisis, or at least minimize it. Both men and women tend to go through a mid-life slump, but you don’t have to. There are strategies to expand your happiness no matter what your age and life circumstances.
3. You Have a Happiness Set-Point that Doesn’t Change
There’s research that suggests you have a set-point for happiness that doesn’t change much over your lifetime. Theorists refer to this as the “hedonic treadmill” or “hedonic adaptation,” which basically means you have a genetic set-point for happiness. Some are happier than others. Events and circumstances change and those changes affect your happiness, for either good or ill. However, over a relatively brief span of time, you return to your set-point that seems to be genetically determined. So much for the nature versus nurture debate. Actually, the debate rages on.
As more and more researchers delve into this, they’ve discovered that genetics is only part of the picture. There is quite a bit you can do to increase your level of happiness and maintain those gains over the long-haul. While you might have a genetic tendency toward a particular level of psychological well-being, you can can manipulate that tendency over time and increase your happiness through optimal mental, emotional, and physical practices. The science of Positive Psychology has made great strides helping people grow their sense of well-being. They’re discovering truths that people of the Christian faith have known for millenia, such as the truth that moving the focus off you and onto making a difference in the lives of others grows one’s sense of joy and contentment.
4. God Doesn’t Care if You’re Happy
To hear some people speak about God and happiness, you might get the impression that God actually opposes your happiness. That, in order to be godly, or holy, or grow spiritually, you must become less happy, more miserable. There are some unhealthy spiritual approaches out there.
God does care if you’re happy. He desires your happiness. Jesus said he came that his followers might have an abundant life, a life of meaning and purpose, in short a happy life. The entire Psalter, that’s the collection of 150 Psalms in the Old Testament, begins with a prescription for blessedness, also translated as happiness. God desires a flourishing, productive, meaningful life for every human being.
To be sure, we all fall into the trap of destructive decisions, of looking for happiness in all the wrong places. God will forgive us of our sins and set us on the path to true and lasting happiness and contentment. God wants us to be happy and he’s provided the means to be happy. I’m grateful for researchers who’ve turned their attention to optimal human functioning. They’re doing the work of the Lord, whether they realize it or not. God wants us to have healthy relationships, use our talents to make a difference, adopt an optimistic worldview, grow our gratitude, and develop personal virtues. Does God care if you’re happy? Yes, and he’s provided the means.
5. Pursuing Happiness is Selfish
The pursuit of any good can be selfish. Some pursue what they think will give them happiness and neglect other people in the process. However, a selfishly focussed pursuit of happiness always disappoints.
Pursuing happiness doesn’t need to be selfish. The means to happiness involves turning your attention outward in order to serve your fellow human beings. Relationships are key to happiness and the only way to be develop healthy relationships is to invest in the lives of others. Narcissists tend not to have healthy relationships and find happiness illusive. The best thing you can say to a narcissist is “If you want to be happy, you’re must move the focus off yourself and onto others, your relationships, and finding meaning in service, basically, becoming a better human being.”
Developing happiness entails developing virtues. Not virtue-signaling. Virtue signaling is almost the opposite of virtuous. Cultivating moral character contributes to your happiness and that means you can’t live selfishly. Jesus calls his followers to deny the self, take up one’s cross, and follow him. This is the opposite of selfish and leads to the most deeply satisfying, happy life one can imagine. This happiness isn’t only for after you die, like bliss is something reserved for heaven. Jesus calls us to bring heaven and earth together. That leads to happiness for you and for those in your realm of influence. To pursue happiness rightly is to pursue a life that makes a difference in the lives of others.
These are five happiness myths. There are others. In future posts I’ll address more. In the meantime, thanks for reading and I hope you have a happy, blessed day.
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