[originally shared as a devotion at a Christ Church Men's Breakfast]
There are some monsters every man must face. Some are scarier than others. These three are the scariest.
Fear of Failure
This is one of the worst monsters men face, the fear of failure. No one, and I mean no one, wants to be called a failure. We chase success, or at least our version of what we think success looks like, with every ounce of being. It’s drilled into our heads at a very early age that failure means we are less of a person. Losing is for losers and who wants to be a loser.
So, we pursue success at almost any cost: family, friendships, faith are often sacrificed so we can see ourselves as successful, or so we can convince others we are successful. Fear of failure is a powerful motivator.
I believe God wants us to be successful. He’s given us the tools for success. We’re gifted by him, he’s given us various talents and strengths. He wants us to use what he’s given us to be successful at impacting the world so we can leave a meaningful, lasting legacy. The problem is when we forget that the success to which we are called may be different than the success others pursue.
One of the greatest Bible promises is: “I can do all things through him who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13 (NRSV). I believe this is absolutely true, but let me help you understand what it means for you, personally, by paraphrasing it: “I can do all things that Christ ‘wants’ me to do. I can do all things that are aligned with his will and his will is awesome!” The most important key to a successful life is figuring out God created me for his purposes. When I line up my life with his plan and purpose and seek the leadership of the Holy Spirit, then nothing can stop me from succeeding.
Fear of Rejection
The next big monster we must face is the fear of rejection. It’s related to the fear of failure. If a man tells you he doesn’t care what others think about him, he is lying. He may have convinced himself this is true, but he’s lying to himself. From a very early age we are conditioned to seek out the approval of others. A certain facet of this is healthy because we are created to live in relationship with others and in order for relationships to function we need to experience the positive regard of others.
The problem comes when we are tempted to compromise our values in order to gain or maintain the favor of others, including ourselves. And when we compromise we ultimately lose the favor of God and ourselves so we construct a false reality, what Thomas Merton called a false self:
“Every one of us is shadowed by an illusory person: a false self. This is the man that I want myself to be but who cannot exist, because God does not know anything about him. And to be unknown by God is altogether too much privacy.” – Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation
The good news is that God knows the real you, and he loves you anyway! He knows the layer of falsehoods you’ve allowed to build up around yourself to protect yourself from rejection, he sees the sin of self-centeredness that actually results from a pernicious self-loathing. God sees all our junk and he loves us in spite of it:
“In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” 1 John 4:10 (ESV)
This is the Good News. God accepts me even before I make any change. It is his acceptance of me that allows me to step out of my false self and live out of my true self. Rejection is real, but it generally starts with self-rejection. Because God accepts me I can accept myself and live as the person he created me to be.
Temptation
This is a real fear that you need. Satan’s out to clobber you. He wants you to fail miserably. His desire is that succumb to his temptation and destroy your most cherished relationships. He throws temptations in your path day and night. He never takes a vacation.
One of the most serious temptations men face is the temptation to sin sexually. With the proliferation of pornography on the internet, a disturbing trend of persons re-connecting with old flames on social media, and the age-old problem of workplace affairs, sexual sin is lurking everywhere. Everyone knows men who have fallen into sexual immorality.
An important strategy in our struggle against sin is distinguishing between lust and mere natural healthy attractiveness. If we beat ourselves up for our normal, natural, and healthy experience of being attracted to persons of the fairer sex, we will be more likely to give in altogether, falling to the fallacy that sexual sin must be inevitable. R.C. Sproul said it like this:
“Lust is not noticing that a woman is sexually attractive. Lust is born when we turn a simple awareness into a preoccupied fantasy. When we initiate sexual thoughts into our minds and nurture them, we have passed from simple awareness into lust.” –R.C. Sproul
I like how the great reformer, Martin Luther, put it: “We cannot help it if birds fly over our heads. It is another thing if we invite them to build nests in our hair.”
If we are not careful, the healthy sense of attraction can easily be transformed into lust, especially in our sex-saturated media culture. When temptation arrives, we need to remember that God is on our side and he won’t allow us to be tempted beyond what we can handle with his help:
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 (ESV)
God is good and he is stronger than any monsters that come our way. If we take them on alone, they’ll get us. But if we learn to trust in one another and in God who delivers us, we can overcome and live the victorious life God intends!