“He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help.” – Abraham Lincoln
There are two sides to this coin. The first is that of the person offering the criticism. The second is the one on the receiving end.
Criticism should be a minimal part of our conversation with others and only offered when we have a true desire and the resources of time, energy, and the appropriate knowledge to actually help. Criticism simply to point out something we don’t like is pretty much useless and relationship-damaging. Criticism given discretely and with a sincere effort of coming alongside with the tools and ability to make a difference for the good of the team is incredibly desirable and relationship-building.
The flip side is the person receiving criticism. Some people are utterly incapable of receiving any kind of criticism. Any criticism is seen as a personal attack and is responded to with either the fight or flight reaction. We fight to protect our egos, we flee to maintain control and autonomy. Perhaps these people have been inundated with destructive, relationship-damaging criticism. If so, it will be difficult for them to trust.
Others receive constructive criticism with grace and thanks because they see that the one offering desires to help and build the relationship. They are open to change and considering things from a different perspective. They live in a world of high trust relationships and are comfortable giving and receiving constructive criticism.
Of course, trust is the key. Are you building trust in relationships or are you a pragmatic relator? Are relationships simply a means to an end for you or do you value people? If you build trust, criticism is possible and helpful. If you value yourself and your preferences above people, trust will not be a part of your interactions and criticism will be difficult.
Criticism can be a wonderful tool in the hands of caring people in high trust relationships. How are you doing in the trust department?
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